At 36 she should "expect" to be paying for her own wedding and gracefully accept any offers of help from her parents. But that's because, I got married at 19 and we paid for nearly everything ourselves. And I HATED my wedding dress, but it was all I could afford.

She's not a teenager whom you need to be pussyfooting around because she's still trying to figure herself out. Clearly she's matured into a not very nice person and if she weren't your stepdaughter, you would have nothing to do with her. The only obligation I think you have, is to be cordial and polite.

The dog and the bike are way more important.

Veronica