Dear So and So

[lph]

I am not sure why what I said seemed to raise the ire of some here, yet when others mention their friends (or family) being negative toward their riding, I didn't feel the same vibe.

Oh, I certainly didn't mean to be critical, I was just commenting with my own experiences around the subject. I agree that anyone rolling their eyes or otherwise putting down an activity you love is not only annoying, it's also really rude.

[Crankin]

A DH who was mad he had to pick you up when you were injured? .

Get someone to clean your house, or better yet, have DH do it.

[jobob]

I am not sure why what I said seemed to raise the ire of some here ...

Hi Crankin, if you're referring to my comment, that was not my intention in the least! I was just suggesting perhaps your friend was aggravated with herself, not with you. No ire raised at my end.

[Crankin]

Do not worry, JoBob.

[Veronica]

My only concern is that I could really spend ALL of my time engaged in the activities I love, or with my DH, or our cycling friends. I know this is probably not healthy, so I try to continue my other connections.

I think it would be perfectly healthy! That's pretty much the way my life is. We don't spend time with family; they are all back east. Our friends are mostly people we cycle with. And really, we're happy to just hang out together.

Life is too short to do things that don't make you happy.

Veronica

[channlluv]

I'm with Veronica on this one. I had to go back and re-read your sentence: "...I could really spend ALL of my time engaged in the activities I love, or with my DH, or our cycling friends. I know this is probably not healthy..."

Sounds like bliss and the recipe for a long and happy life to me.

Roxy

[Catrin]

I'm with Veronica on this one. I had to go back and re-read your sentence: "...I could really spend ALL of my time engaged in the activities I love, or with my DH, or our cycling friends. I know this is probably not healthy..."

Sounds like bliss and the recipe for a long and happy life to me.

Roxy

Yup, agreed. This is something that I've been contemplating myself...

[indysteel]

For those of you with friends who don't seem fully supportive of your activities--in a hurtful way--have you ever discussed it with them? In a perfect world, we would all support one another 100%, no questions asked. But, of course, we don't live in perfect world. IME, a heartfelt conversation can go a long way toward a better mutual understanding. If a good friend of mine seemed judgmental of my activities, I would at least try to broach the subject with them before dismissing or downgrading the friendship. Of course, if they continue to remain unsupportive or judgmental, then all bets are off.

ETA: I wanted to clarify that I do appreciate that it's hurtful when we don't feel supported by our loved ones.

[Crankin]

OK, I don't have much time to reply.
While I generally agree with V, I don't have any intention of dropping the friend I originally wrote about. I could say something to her if it happens again. The other one, well it has to do with celebrating the Jewish holidays with them &occasional socializing. I don't see my relatives here anymore and the others are in CA, except for DS 1. I feel guilty, I guess.
My life has totally changed, which is the gist of it

[channlluv]

I don't think anyone has said you should drop your friend. If they did, I missed it. But I, for one, for sure don't think you should ever feel guilty for engaging in the activities you love to do and that enrich your life, because in living your life to its fullest potential, you enrich the other people around you, this particular friend being possibly excepted from that general rule.

As far as your friend's not being fully supportive, I think that maybe, as someone else pointed out, she's feeling down about herself not being as active as you are. I mean, you are pretty awesome on that account. You're probably a living, breathing, hot-cha-cha example of the woman she wishes she could be.

Be yourself. Shine bright. Ride on. You're awesome.

Roxy

[indysteel]

be yourself. Shine bright. Ride on. You're awesome.

+1,000!

[indysteel]

Dear in-laws: I've now written some version of this letter about five times, but I think I'll just keep it at this: I am sorry that you feel all alone when we aren't there for a holiday. On some level, that's sort of sweet. On another level, it's pretty darn sad. The two of you have one another. If that's not enough reason for a little Christmas spirit, then I feel sorry for you. But my sympathy does not obligate us to spend every holiday with you. We'll do our best to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas with you each year in some fashion, but you have to alter your expectations a bit, too. It makes me sad that you would begrudge my parents a holiday with us because you see yourself as more "alone" simply because I have siblings. How many times have I told you that my parents are basically estranged from my alcoholic siblings. Regardless, that attitude isn't really fair to my parents, is it?

Let's just hope Holidays 2012 go a bit better. I at least have a better idea of what kind of thinking/feelings I'm dealing with. But, please, try to stop feeling so sorry for yourselves. You see us plenty IMO. It seems to me that you are choosing to view the holidays through this prism.

[Blueberry]

((((Indy)))))

Been there, done that. No easy answers. You have a very positive attitude!

(if my family had their way, DH and I would split up for the holidays so everyone gets their child, and they have some "alone" time with me - not gonna happen)

[indysteel]

((((Indy)))))

Been there, done that. No easy answers. You have a very positive attitude!

(if my family had their way, DH and I would split up for the holidays so everyone gets their child, and they have some "alone" time with me - not gonna happen)

Yeah, I'm pretty sure my in-laws would prefer it, too. And, like you, that isn't going to happen. What bums me out even more is that for all their pining away for some holiday ideal, they aren't exactly festive and celebratory. Even with us there, it's pretty somber. I can't win.

[Blueberry]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure my in-laws would prefer it, too. And, like you, that isn't going to happen. What bums me out even more is that for all their pining away for some holiday ideal, they aren't exactly festive and celebratory. Even with us there, it's pretty somber. I can't win.

Sounds like my father. He gets a card. The last time we came for the holidays, he didn't have a single decoration up. I bought food, cooked Christmas eve dinner and something on Christmas day (both of which weren't, apparently, to his taste), and we drove home. Now, we either travel or deal with my mother and her side. We would, I think, prefer to stay home - but they are close enough that it would be very awkward to decline to visit.