Dear So and So

[channlluv]

Dear Channlluv
I am sorry the mom was such a jerk. When my own tot (only 2 years old) kept telling me in his loud clear voice "Mommy look at that ugly ugly man" I was so astonished that all I could do was rush him away from the poor guy (who wasn't particularly ugly) he was too young to understand that he might hurt someone's feelings. On the other hand, I was proud that he was speaking in sentences. I don't think I smirked though, I was horrified!

What was really disheartening is the setting -- we were at a place where my daughter spends a lot of time, probably with this woman's older kid, although I didn't recognize either the little one or the mom.

I've had people laugh at me before - a couple of times when I've been riding around the lake. One man even laughed as I rode past him (he was walking) and shouted ahead to his wife in a language that sounded like Russian to me -- she was about twenty yards ahead of him. She looked up just as I was riding past, at me, and then she laughed, too. Another time it was two younger college-age women on beach cruisers, also at the lake.

I've had strangers ask me when my baby is due, one saying that I look like I'm about to pop. One even said, incredulously, "You're kidding!" when I told him I wasn't pregnant, and he kept staring at my stomach like I was lying to him. I wanted to dump a vase of water over his head.

Another time, in Home Depot, I was browsing in the garden section and a little boy in a cart next to me said, "Look, Mommy, that lady has a baby in her tummy." The mom glancing up with a smile to congratulate me, then realizing I did not, sort of looked embarrassed and shushed him and moved to a different aisle.

I've heard more than once, when I was younger, "You'd be so pretty if you'd just lose some weight."

I don't know. Even my therapist has been telling me that maybe I just need to be one of those big women who just live their lives and don't give a damn.

Being fat is hard, though.

Roxy

[Biciclista]

What was really disheartening is the setting -- we were at a place where my daughter spends a lot of time, probably with this woman's older kid, although I didn't recognize either the little one or the mom.

I've had people laugh at me before - a couple of times when I've been riding around the lake. One man even laughed as I rode past him (he was walking) and shouted ahead to his wife in a language that sounded like Russian to me -- she was about twenty yards ahead of him. She looked up just as I was riding past, at me, and then she laughed, too. Another time it was two younger college-age women on beach cruisers, also at the lake.

I've had strangers ask me when my baby is due, one saying that I look like I'm about to pop. One even said, incredulously, "You're kidding!" when I told him I wasn't pregnant, and he kept staring at my stomach like I was lying to him. I wanted to dump a vase of water over his head.

Another time, in Home Depot, I was browsing in the garden section and a little boy in a cart next to me said, "Look, Mommy, that lady has a baby in her tummy." The mom glancing up with a smile to congratulate me, then realizing I did not, sort of looked embarrassed and shushed him and moved to a different aisle.

I've heard more than once, when I was younger, "You'd be so pretty if you'd just lose some weight."

I don't know. Even my therapist has been telling me that maybe I just need to be one of those big women who just live their lives and don't give a damn.

Being fat is hard, though.

Roxy

ouch. Even i did that once to a friend. I said "omigosh, don't tell me, you're pregnant!" and she wasn't...

[redrhodie]

Roxy, as the daughter of a woman who was tortured by her size, I can understand your pain. I wish my mother had been able to not care. She really let her body hate ruin her life. She pretty much hid, when she would have liked to be doing. It prevented her from enjoying life.

We don't get to choose our body, so it's really not fair that having a "nice" one is so valued. It's not like it automatically makes you a nice person. I wish we cared more about that, but it's all superficial.

But, I think you're very pretty the way you are (not that that matters ).

[channlluv]

Well, the pregnancy comment has happened enough that I know whomever is making it is trying to be thoughtful, not hurtful, so it doesn't bother me as much, but that old guy staring at my stomach and challenging me. He actually followed that up with, "I would have guessed five or six months along." Yeah, really. Thanks.

Oof.

[Owlie]

((Roxy))

Dear self:
Harden the **** up. While I can understand not wanting to ride with back cramps, given that the last time we did so, we nearly crashed, if you're going to ride for the remainder of the year, you're going to need to learn to do so in the cold.

[jobob]

((Roxy))

I'm a firm believer in karma -- of the 'what goes around comes around' variety. I truly believe people who deliberately say or do unkind things will eventually get theirs.

It may not be immediate (oh, wouldn't it be great if such people could be vaporized on the spot?!?) but perhaps someday the petite skinny mom may wake up to find herself old and flabby and have someone remark on her less-than-perfect appearance, or, owing to her marvelous 'parenting' her son will grow up to be a callous self-centered jerk who does not give her the time of day.

I suppose it's a negative thought process to take; I don't really dwell on this kind of thing but it does help me get past injustices like that.

[Selkie]

((Roxy))

I'm a firm believer in karma -- of the 'what goes around comes around' variety. I truly believe people who deliberately say or do unkind things will eventually get theirs.

It may not be immediate (oh, wouldn't it be great if such people could be vaporized on the spot?!?) but perhaps someday the petite skinny mom may wake up to find herself old and flabby and have someone remark on her less-than-perfect appearance, or, owing to her marvelous 'parenting' her son will grow up to be a callous self-centered jerk who does not give her the time of day.

I suppose it's a negative thought process to take; I don't really dwell on this kind of thing but it does help me get past injustices like that.

I agree 100% with Jo.

It's hard not to respond to an ugly, ignorant, mean, unsolicited comment, but keeping your dignity and ignoring it is always best.

When you roll in the dirt with pigs, you get dirty.

Weirdly enough, I've been a target of some heavy females. There's an extremely immature/loud/overweight woman at work who has: 1) made fun of my "chicken" neck (I'm almost 49); 2) accused me of having an eating disorder; and 3) called me "butter face." This is not said directly to me, but in loud conversations in the office that everyone overhears. Remarks like that don't impress anyone. I feel embarrassed for her, and just ignore her and her remarks.

[Crankin]

I have a problem with all of these "mean girls." Selkie, I've had people make comments about being petite, too. What ever happened to "you can think it, but don't say it?"
Some of this has been brought to light now that I am at a gym again. Sometimes, and I hate to say this, I don't like being in a class with all women! They see a new person and start checking me out... one woman came in and plunked her step down, 1 inch in front of where I was, so she could be near "her friend." I guess I was in her space? Cyclists aren't like this at all, thankfully.

[OakLeaf]

(((((Roxy))))) People can be so rude. I wonder if there's a snappy response you could come up with?

[channlluv]

Thanks, jobob.

Oak, mostly I just ignore them. It's embarrassing to acknowledge public scorn.

Sorry to gripe here. I'm the one actually looking forward to winter riding season because the trails are less crowded. Fewer people to mock me.

Roxy

[lph]

channlluv, if it's any consolation, the only way I see you is that big, victorious smile in your avatar, and it's gorgeous.

[marni]

((Roxy))

Dear self:
Harden the **** up. While I can understand not wanting to ride with back cramps, given that the last time we did so, we nearly crashed, if you're going to ride for the remainder of the year, you're going to need to learn to do so in the cold.

two words- wool underlayers

marni

[Biciclista]

Dear Owlie
you don't have to spend a lot of $$$ for those wool underlayers. You'd be surprised what you can find in a thrift store..

[PamNY]

Dear Owlie
you don't have to spend a lot of $$$ for those wool underlayers. You'd be surprised what you can find in a thrift store..

That is so true. I just got out my winter clothes and, looking at the giant pile of wool, said to myself "What was I thinking?" But I know the answer -- I was thinking "$4.99 for a merino layer is too good to pass up."

Oh, and I was also thinking maybe the wool weenies can tell me where to put all this stuff...

[Owlie]

Dear Owlie
you don't have to spend a lot of $$$ for those wool underlayers. You'd be surprised what you can find in a thrift store..

It's not that I don't have stuff (I do.) It'a matter of making myself go outside.