dealing with breakup fallout

[Grits]

Another book is The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. You might not be worried about potential violence, or perhaps you are or should be, but it gives some very good advice about disengaging from the person exhibiting stalker like behavior. One review said this:

"Chapters 8 and 11 would be my second recommendation, and it goes out to all the girls who have ever found themselves picking up the phone to say "I told you not to call me!" This persistent stalking behavior is one of the predictors of violence, and how you interact with it can shape how the bad boyfriend (or even bad date) will behave towards you. Ignoring him is the best option-- it's when we continually engage, even to say "go away," that the stalker gets mixed messages and persists in his harassment. "

This is a difficult situation. Best of luck.

[indysteel]

Excellent recommendation, Grits. I was trying to recall that title myself. I read Carolyn Hax's chat at the Washington Post, and suggests that in every type of abusive relationship.

Badger, I'm very glad you're doing well, but at some point I hope you can make an effort to analyze why you stayed so long with an emotionally abusive man. It's important that you come to understand as you move forward in your life.

[NbyNW]

So proud of you for getting out of this manipulative situation. Someone who truly loves you will give you the encouragement and the space to be your best self, not manipulate you so satisfy their own needs.

Be happy, enjoy your newfound freedom. He is not your problem anymore.

Good that you wrote to his friend, that may be the reality check he needs, might also help diffuse the situation.

I went through a similar breakup, years and years ago. The calls stopped after I met with a mutual friend and had a chance to tell my side of the story.

[Crankin]

Everything everyone said and then some.
You can still change your phone #.
Do not talk to him at all.
Change your routines and anything else that would give him an idea about where you are. If you are getting a funny feeling, like you are not safe, call the police.

[Koronin]

What everyone else said. I 2nd Crankin's comment that you can still change your phone number.

[Blueberry]

You've gotten some amazing advice here, and I'm not going to re-iterate it all - just one piece.

This kind of behavior can indicate more serious issues. Safety should be your first priority - change your number, bounce the emails if possible (some companies can let you do that), change your routine. Protect yourself. Not to concern you - but it really can be serious. Trust yourself - Crankin is right - if you get a bad feeling/funny feeling/you run into him "accidentally" - call the cops.

[Tri Girl]

sounds like now he's using fear to control you.
Glad you made the decision to end the relationship and that you're happy. Take good care of yourself- and be happy!!!