Dear Cat

[lph]

BTW, sleeping on my head is not helping your cause.

*snort*

[Dogmama]

Dear Murphy,

It's two o'clock in the freakin' morning.

'nuff said

--------------------------

On another note - anybody try calling their house repeatedly during the day to wake up the cat in hopes of getting a full night's sleep? Or am I the only weirdo here? (P.S., obviously, it doesn't work.)

[bmccasland]

Dear Chloe,
Despite your attempts at teaching me to speak PNW Kitteh, I don't know what you want when you sit on my lap and meow at me with such a plaintive voice. You have food, am petting you, you're purring up a storm, what else do you need

Also, did you pick up a cold at the boarding hotel? I hope you get over the sniffles. Didn't really need the sneeze on the laptop keyboard. One cat with chronic upper respiratory infections is sufficient on the cosmic scheme of things, and that role was filled by Erin (may she be healthy across the Rainbow Bridge).

[indysteel]

Dear Henry: would you mind telling me what's wrong? I know that didn't like being left alone for the week, but you're acting stranger than normal. Do you not feel well and, if so, how? The pet sitter's notes don't indicate anything unusual, but given your propensity to contract mystery illnesses, you have me worried.

Signed,

Your anxious mother

[Dogmama]

Dear Henry: would you mind telling me what's wrong? I know that didn't like being left alone for the week, but you're acting stranger than normal. Do you not feel well and, if so, how? The pet sitter's notes don't indicate anything unusual, but given your propensity to contract mystery illnesses, you have me worried.

Signed,

Your anxious mother

Dear Anxious,

I'm punishing you.

Henry

[indysteel]

Dear Anxious,

I'm punishing you.

Henry

I wish it was just that. He seems downright weak and lethargic.

[Owlie]

I wish it was just that. He seems downright weak and lethargic.

Dear black and white kitty--
Thank you for staying put while I rode past you...I just hope you did the same thing for the car behind me!

Dear DBF's cat--
No, rubbing on the phone will not magically make it produce treats, and it may or may not persuade the humans to give you treats either. You don't need any. You're fat enough as it is.

[HoosierGiant]

Dear Little Cat,

Is there some sort of logical explanation for the way you eat? It doesn't even have to be human logic really; feline logic will suffice.

In the 15 months that we've owned you, you have been observed eating out of the food bowl only five times. Why do you feel it necessary to scoop the dry catfood out onto the floor before consuming it, then leaving all the little crumbs behind to attract ants?

Worse yet, why do you prefer to slide the food bowl next to the water bowl so you can scoop the food into the water and then retrieve the floaties from the water in order to consume them? I wouldn't mind this behavior so much if it didn't involve flinging water everywhere -- the walls, the floor, the trash can, the fire extinguisher, the container for paper recyclables. We had to resort to placing a folded towel under the water bowl to confine at least some of the mess, but now you like to play with the towel, which generally upends the water bowl, sending a river of water across the downward slope of the floor so it pools under the legs of the antique cherry dining table.

Apparently the human occupants of the house are easy to train. We tried non-skid bowls, but that just meant you'd empty the entire food bowl onto the floor in an attempt to transfer the contents to the water bowl. We reverted to the original containers because, when we hear you sliding the food bowl around, we can run to toss a handful of its contents into the water bowl, thereby limiting the mess you will make. And since you purr the entire time you are fishing/eating, we can only assume our reponse was exactly what you had intended. But, at least one of the other cats has fallen under your spell as well. Lester, who was perfectly happy with tap water in the bowl for the two years we owned him before you entered the picture, will now only drink water that has had dry cat food floating in it. Duchess, who is the finicky geriatric feline, won't go near the water bowl unless it is spotless and uncontaminated, and would never dream of stepping in the watery mess you leave behind on the floor.

On good days it's comical the amount of time we spend maintaining the smorgasboard for you; on bad days it doesn't even begin to approach funny.

What gives?

Signed,
Owner who says, "It's a good thing you're so cute"

[Biciclista]

Dear HoosierGiant
your cat is a genius! It has been proven that a diet of dry cat food is not good for cats as it keeps them dehydrated; it's also bad for their kidneys. Your genius of a cat has discovered that he can keep better hydrated by dipping his food in the water. I am extremely impressed.
Signed I have to make cat food from whole chickens for my cats Mimi

[VeganBikeChick]

Dear Laverne and Shirley,

No, it is not humorous when you bolt out the door as soon as I open it when coming home. Nevermind the fact that you don't get very far as you only escape into the corridor, but I'm sure you enjoy me calling your name down the hallway and the show I put on for the neighbors when I have to chase and "catch" you.

Signed,
No treats for you today.

[Biciclista]

Dear Mom
feed me now.
Don't even TRY to read that newspaper
Love Enza