Dear So and So

[Crankin]

Hill Slugger, what exactly is making you feel this way now? Is it just a bad day, or something more?

Catrin, I say, it is never too late. People have an amazing capacity to change within themselves. Sometimes you need to isolate to break the pattern of abusive relationships/trauma, but it seems like it's been awhile. Never say never and PM me, if you want. I can share some amazing stuff. The positive stuff you never hear.

[Biciclista]

Dear Self
are you absolutely out of your mind ?? You agreed to house friends from Italy for HOW LONG? you don't KNOW how long? With an 16 month old baby????
Okay, back to cleaning and baby proofing the guestroom!!

[tulip]

Dear Self
are you absolutely out of your mind ?? You agreed to house friends from Italy for HOW LONG? you don't KNOW how long? With an 16 month old baby????
Okay, back to cleaning and baby proofing the guestroom!!

Certainly the will reciprocate, right?

[Owlie]

Dear salad:
I never want to see you again.

Dear self--if you want buckeyes, go make them. Just do it soon so you can put the dishes in the dishwasher and have them done before dad gets home.

Dear heat wave:
Are you done yet? This is getting old. I wake up and it's too hot and sticky to ride.

Dear body--
Yes, I know that you are capable of reproducing. You don't need to remind me. If you insist, though, I could get the message without the cramps and the back pain and the inability to eat more than a fist-sized serving of anything at a time, and the headaches that result from it. Stop it. It's not like I ever intend to use those parts...

[indysteel]

Hill Slugger, what exactly is making you feel this way now? Is it just a bad day, or something more?

Catrin, I say, it is never too late. People have an amazing capacity to change within themselves. Sometimes you need to isolate to break the pattern of abusive relationships/trauma, but it seems like it's been awhile. Never say never and PM me, if you want. I can share some amazing stuff. The positive stuff you never hear.

HS-I was wondering much the same thing. Depending on your answer, perhaps it's time to talk to a professional.

And Catrin, amen to what Crankin said. I do understand your loneliness; I've been there. A couple years before I met Brian, I finally had an epiphany. After years of emotional pain--of really feeling unloved and unloveable--I finally realized the power within myself to love myself enough to make up for all of it. The bad family, the abusive mother, the detached father, the longstanding drought in my lovelife. It took work and practice, but it freed my heart in some powerful ways. Even if Brian hadn't come into my life--i had confidence in my ability to feel happy and fulfilled. While I do hope you meet someone someday, I hope you see possibility and joy in whatver comes your way.

I also learned that even when feeling empowered by self love, I was still bound to feel lonely at times. With the guidance of my therapist, I finally learned how to feel that emotion without being consumed by it. That was a significant step forward for me. I am not my emotions.

[Biciclista]

Certainly they will reciprocate, right?

they have in the past, yes, but this is more than all the other times put together. MONTHS!

[redrhodie]

Indy, that's a really beautiful, hopeful, inspiring post.

[tulip]

they have in the past, yes, but this is more than all the other times put together. MONTHS!

Oh my...on the upside maybe you can stay at their house for months, right? Maybe a house swap would be better.

I agree with redhodie. Nice post, Indy. HillSlugger--you deserve to be happy. It's in your power. Fate has little to do with it. Indy's words are wise, and Crankin is too. Best wishes for your happiness.

[indysteel]

Indy, that's a really beautiful, hopeful, inspiring post.

Thanks, Red! I was reading Yoga Journal Magazine one day when something jumped off the page at me: "the only person who can provide an unwavering sense of love is you."

Now, I read that after having already done a lot of work on myself in therapy. I'd also gotten really into yoga and cycling and had made some wonderful friends in the process, I truly felt like I'd primed myself for that moment. What would it feel like to love myself enough? What would that look like? How would it feel? I distinctly remember sitting with that thought for days and weeks, until I realized that I was practicing it. Like I said, it took a lot of work. A lot. But the longstanding despair I'd felt lifted. What relief.

I love my husband and being married, but if I'm being honest, I've never felt as exhilarated as I did when I first took the leap of being happy but alone. Because, really, the despair I felt wasn't really about romantic love. The truth is, when you're not loved by your own mother, it colors everything you feel about yourself and your worth. That was the love I needed to fill on my own.

[Catrin]

... The truth is, when you're not loved by your own mother, it colors everything you feel about yourself and your worth. That was the love I needed to fill on my own.

Yes, and yes again.

I haven't been despairing, I've been single a very long time and I've been happy for a good portion of that time - partially because I walled off certain painful things. I did quite intensive therapy, but for a long time it was easier to remain single. I think I've been taking a self-assessment and seeing certain things for what they are - consequences of certain choices (or lack of choice) made long ago. However....that was long ago.

We do not have to stick with choices made long ago, what may have seemed appropriate at 15, 25, or 35 doesn't have to stick at 51. My bike has reawakened me to the love of life and the world around me. I've come a long ways in the last couple of years, but you are right, when your own mother doesn't love you and there was no father around, you do have to find some way to fill that hole. I think that I've been working on that without realizing it consciously. How can we open ourselves to others if we haven't found a way to fill that hole first?

BTW, it might come as a surprise, or not, but I over-think stuff

[Bethany1]

Dear back,

Please don't go out on me tonight or tomorrow. I know I was bad going to the mall and you despise trying on clothes, but I needed those skirts. I still don't understand why you hate me walking around while my kids get clothing as well. I don't want to spend the rest of the summer at the chiropractor office and needing physical therapy again.

Dear Surly Bikes,

I really loved testing out your long Haul Trucker. It was really comfortable and I didn't know steel was so easy on my back. Even your Puglsey was wonderful with it's 4 inch wheels. It would be perfect for the gravel roads out here.

[tangentgirl]

Dear Stinky Boys Club:

You suck. I haven't had to fight for my piece of cake like this for years - years! But here you are, once again, trying to push me to the side, even though it's completely counter-productive. Go back to 1959 where you belong. I have work to do.

Or, don't. There are plenty o' cake shops in this town.

[marni]

dear gym studs,

yes I get that you are young and fit full of yourselves. Yes I understand that most people choose to run 20 minutes on the treadmill instead of around the perimeter of the basketball court, but since there was no one in the court I decided to indulge myself. I told you I only had five more minutes to go and that I would stay out of your way. Why then did you decide that it was imperative to occupy all four of the courts simultaneously trying as hard as you could to make sure you were shooting at the wall or crashing into me while running for the ball, every single time I passed any one of you at any of the court areas.

And dear gym management,

Yes I know, they pay gym fees too but really, it is not fun to be bashed into repeatedly by guys who are 40 years younger and twice my body weight whether "accidentally" or "on purpose."

Incidentally this group is also notorious for smashing their free weights to the ground repeatedly and never putting away any of the equipment they use.

sore and bruised and irritated.

[Crankin]

My first supervisor had the saying, "if it is isn't one thing, it's the mother..."

Now that I am doing family therapy in people's homes, I am getting to see the real life application of this right before my eyes.
We really need to do a better job of helping people be parents.

[Biciclista]

dear gym studs,

yes I get that you are young and fit full of yourselves. Yes I understand that most people choose to run 20 minutes on the treadmill instead of around the perimeter of the basketball court, but since there was no one in the court I decided to indulge myself. I told you I only had five more minutes to go and that I would stay out of your way. Why then did you decide that it was imperative to occupy all four of the courts simultaneously trying as hard as you could to make sure you were shooting at the wall or crashing into me while running for the ball, every single time I passed any one of you at any of the court areas.

And dear gym management,

Yes I know, they pay gym fees too but really, it is not fun to be bashed into repeatedly by guys who are 40 years younger and twice my body weight whether "accidentally" or "on purpose."

Incidentally this group is also notorious for smashing their free weights to the ground repeatedly and never putting away any of the equipment they use.

sore and bruised and irritated.

WOW, I'd pursue this further. That's terrible. Is there another gym?? What a bunch of aszhats. to pick on a woman like that!!!