Dear So and So

[Catrin]

... The truth is, when you're not loved by your own mother, it colors everything you feel about yourself and your worth. That was the love I needed to fill on my own.

Yes, and yes again.

I haven't been despairing, I've been single a very long time and I've been happy for a good portion of that time - partially because I walled off certain painful things. I did quite intensive therapy, but for a long time it was easier to remain single. I think I've been taking a self-assessment and seeing certain things for what they are - consequences of certain choices (or lack of choice) made long ago. However....that was long ago.

We do not have to stick with choices made long ago, what may have seemed appropriate at 15, 25, or 35 doesn't have to stick at 51. My bike has reawakened me to the love of life and the world around me. I've come a long ways in the last couple of years, but you are right, when your own mother doesn't love you and there was no father around, you do have to find some way to fill that hole. I think that I've been working on that without realizing it consciously. How can we open ourselves to others if we haven't found a way to fill that hole first?

BTW, it might come as a surprise, or not, but I over-think stuff

[Bethany1]

Dear back,

Please don't go out on me tonight or tomorrow. I know I was bad going to the mall and you despise trying on clothes, but I needed those skirts. I still don't understand why you hate me walking around while my kids get clothing as well. I don't want to spend the rest of the summer at the chiropractor office and needing physical therapy again.

Dear Surly Bikes,

I really loved testing out your long Haul Trucker. It was really comfortable and I didn't know steel was so easy on my back. Even your Puglsey was wonderful with it's 4 inch wheels. It would be perfect for the gravel roads out here.

[tangentgirl]

Dear Stinky Boys Club:

You suck. I haven't had to fight for my piece of cake like this for years - years! But here you are, once again, trying to push me to the side, even though it's completely counter-productive. Go back to 1959 where you belong. I have work to do.

Or, don't. There are plenty o' cake shops in this town.

[marni]

dear gym studs,

yes I get that you are young and fit full of yourselves. Yes I understand that most people choose to run 20 minutes on the treadmill instead of around the perimeter of the basketball court, but since there was no one in the court I decided to indulge myself. I told you I only had five more minutes to go and that I would stay out of your way. Why then did you decide that it was imperative to occupy all four of the courts simultaneously trying as hard as you could to make sure you were shooting at the wall or crashing into me while running for the ball, every single time I passed any one of you at any of the court areas.

And dear gym management,

Yes I know, they pay gym fees too but really, it is not fun to be bashed into repeatedly by guys who are 40 years younger and twice my body weight whether "accidentally" or "on purpose."

Incidentally this group is also notorious for smashing their free weights to the ground repeatedly and never putting away any of the equipment they use.

sore and bruised and irritated.

[Biciclista]

dear gym studs,

yes I get that you are young and fit full of yourselves. Yes I understand that most people choose to run 20 minutes on the treadmill instead of around the perimeter of the basketball court, but since there was no one in the court I decided to indulge myself. I told you I only had five more minutes to go and that I would stay out of your way. Why then did you decide that it was imperative to occupy all four of the courts simultaneously trying as hard as you could to make sure you were shooting at the wall or crashing into me while running for the ball, every single time I passed any one of you at any of the court areas.

And dear gym management,

Yes I know, they pay gym fees too but really, it is not fun to be bashed into repeatedly by guys who are 40 years younger and twice my body weight whether "accidentally" or "on purpose."

Incidentally this group is also notorious for smashing their free weights to the ground repeatedly and never putting away any of the equipment they use.

sore and bruised and irritated.

WOW, I'd pursue this further. That's terrible. Is there another gym?? What a bunch of aszhats. to pick on a woman like that!!!

[Becky]

Dear self-

Take a vacation already, before you flip out on the wrong person (not that there's really a "right" person for that situation). The work will be there when you get back...

Oh, and going to FLETC for training as a civilian is a pretty cool opportunity- suck it up already and stop worrying.

[jessmarimba]

Dear new guy:

Yelling at me after I just saved your butt wasn't a smart decision. You underestimate me at your own peril.

[marni]

WOW, I'd pursue this further. That's terrible. Is there another gym?? What a bunch of aszhats. to pick on a woman like that!!!

I will sic trainer john on them tomorrow if they are there or the next time I see them. He too is a senior though not quite as senior as me, but he is one of the lead trainers and has more years at this gym than anyone else so when he speaks to someone it usually brings results.

Yes there is another gym but this is the one where the trainer that both my 90 year old resident FIL and I like, so moving to another gym is not an optimal solution. When the weather cools, I will just run outside on the sidewalk, but with feels like temps in the triple digits, that is not an option right now.

I don't think they were specifically picking on me, as much as showing off for each other and generally being the selfish inconsiderate louts they are in real life. There seems to be a lot of that "what's up with you b****" attitude among certain groups and ages and persuasions of youngish males around here- might have something to do with the strongly prevalent football culture. Our local high school has a football facility that is the envy of the local professional football team, but they just laid off 250 teachers. Go figure.

sigh....

[alexis_the_tiny]

dear gym studs,

yes I get that you are young and fit full of yourselves. Yes I understand that most people choose to run 20 minutes on the treadmill instead of around the perimeter of the basketball court, but since there was no one in the court I decided to indulge myself. I told you I only had five more minutes to go and that I would stay out of your way. Why then did you decide that it was imperative to occupy all four of the courts simultaneously trying as hard as you could to make sure you were shooting at the wall or crashing into me while running for the ball, every single time I passed any one of you at any of the court areas.

And dear gym management,

Yes I know, they pay gym fees too but really, it is not fun to be bashed into repeatedly by guys who are 40 years younger and twice my body weight whether "accidentally" or "on purpose."

Incidentally this group is also notorious for smashing their free weights to the ground repeatedly and never putting away any of the equipment they use.

sore and bruised and irritated.

Sounds like they sorely need a few good tight slaps. NOT that I'd advocate senseless violence against strangers though.

[Crankin]

Not to offend native Texans, but Marni, I don't see how you can stand living in that football culture after being in Acton .
Heck, I couldn't even deal with the suburbs of Miami, because of similar type people.

[limewave]

Dear DH,

For nearly 3 years now I have worked a second job to make up for lost income during the economy. The confidence I've gained and knowledge I've accumulated have been invaluable. I can't express how good it makes me feel knowing that when my back is to the wall, I can create my own productive and profitable business.

It was all great until I found out the real reason for the lower income. When we are in it together, that is one thing. But when you make decisions on your own accord that have that great of an impact on our family . . . All I'm going to say is that it's time for you to take care of the situation you independently created.

Yes I'm still mad. If I was mad at you every single day and every single hour from when I found out about your situation to when you'll actually be able to resolve it . . . well, we wouldn't be able to function as a family. You made a doozy of a mistake, but I still love you and we can move forward from this. I do see the positive steps you are taking the integrity you are showing.

So . . . I'm selling my business. It's done. I've set the wheels in motion. It's time for you to step up and do what you need to do.

Limewave

[marni]

Not to offend native Texans, but Marni, I don't see how you can stand living in that football culture after being in Acton .
Heck, I couldn't even deal with the suburbs of Miami, because of similar type people.

sometimes one ends up somewhere out of necessity- like a job for dh and being close to overseas educated daughter as she started in the American education system in college in Texas because short of NY, University of North Texas had the best music education available within her field.

Maybe someday we will get to live where I want to live, but in the meantime....I don't begrudge the years overseas, but .......Texas- well.....

[Crankin]

My first supervisor had the saying, "if it is isn't one thing, it's the mother..."

Now that I am doing family therapy in people's homes, I am getting to see the real life application of this right before my eyes.
We really need to do a better job of helping people be parents.