Dear So and So

[HillSlugger]

Dear Fate,

Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten married. Sometimes I wish I'd never had children. Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten remarried. I often feel like I'm trapped between an anvil and the hammer. Is there any way out of the middle?

[Catrin]

(((Hillslugger)))

I've been feeling sorry for myself recently for being fearful years ago and not coming out of myself - this has led to a lifetime of solitude. I am fine with this most of the time, but I wish that I had been braver. This will pass...

Then again, I love my current lifestyle, just wish that I could meet someone who would share my love for bikes. I have had my defenses up for so long that I don't know if I even can bring them down at 51...'Course, it doesn't help being a rape survivor (twice) and abusive relationships as a young woman.

Thank you for listening. Back to your regularly scheduled program.

Catherine

[Owlie]

((Catrin and Hillslugger))

Dear Skype:
ARGH!

Dear tea company--
I love your tea, really. But this is the second batch in a row with under-filled bags. Seriously, I have to use two of them.

Dear dad--
Mom and I are wondering what you were thinking when you did the grocery shopping this week. A 1-lb box of salad greens plus a head of lettuce? The three of us might have managed to eat it, but due to travel schedules...I will hold you responsible for the recurring nightmares about baby spinach.

[alexis_the_tiny]

Dear Gods of Rental Property, I've been looking for almost a month now. Don't you think its about time you rewarded my patience and persistence with a flat that isn't an overpriced crackhouse/dumping ground where the landlord hates our guts because it's 'not proper' for three unrelated single young people to be sharing a flat together? Kthnxbai.

[Crankin]

Hill Slugger, what exactly is making you feel this way now? Is it just a bad day, or something more?

Catrin, I say, it is never too late. People have an amazing capacity to change within themselves. Sometimes you need to isolate to break the pattern of abusive relationships/trauma, but it seems like it's been awhile. Never say never and PM me, if you want. I can share some amazing stuff. The positive stuff you never hear.

[Biciclista]

Dear Self
are you absolutely out of your mind ?? You agreed to house friends from Italy for HOW LONG? you don't KNOW how long? With an 16 month old baby????
Okay, back to cleaning and baby proofing the guestroom!!

[tulip]

Dear Self
are you absolutely out of your mind ?? You agreed to house friends from Italy for HOW LONG? you don't KNOW how long? With an 16 month old baby????
Okay, back to cleaning and baby proofing the guestroom!!

Certainly the will reciprocate, right?

[Owlie]

Dear salad:
I never want to see you again.

Dear self--if you want buckeyes, go make them. Just do it soon so you can put the dishes in the dishwasher and have them done before dad gets home.

Dear heat wave:
Are you done yet? This is getting old. I wake up and it's too hot and sticky to ride.

Dear body--
Yes, I know that you are capable of reproducing. You don't need to remind me. If you insist, though, I could get the message without the cramps and the back pain and the inability to eat more than a fist-sized serving of anything at a time, and the headaches that result from it. Stop it. It's not like I ever intend to use those parts...

[indysteel]

Hill Slugger, what exactly is making you feel this way now? Is it just a bad day, or something more?

Catrin, I say, it is never too late. People have an amazing capacity to change within themselves. Sometimes you need to isolate to break the pattern of abusive relationships/trauma, but it seems like it's been awhile. Never say never and PM me, if you want. I can share some amazing stuff. The positive stuff you never hear.

HS-I was wondering much the same thing. Depending on your answer, perhaps it's time to talk to a professional.

And Catrin, amen to what Crankin said. I do understand your loneliness; I've been there. A couple years before I met Brian, I finally had an epiphany. After years of emotional pain--of really feeling unloved and unloveable--I finally realized the power within myself to love myself enough to make up for all of it. The bad family, the abusive mother, the detached father, the longstanding drought in my lovelife. It took work and practice, but it freed my heart in some powerful ways. Even if Brian hadn't come into my life--i had confidence in my ability to feel happy and fulfilled. While I do hope you meet someone someday, I hope you see possibility and joy in whatver comes your way.

I also learned that even when feeling empowered by self love, I was still bound to feel lonely at times. With the guidance of my therapist, I finally learned how to feel that emotion without being consumed by it. That was a significant step forward for me. I am not my emotions.

[redrhodie]

Indy, that's a really beautiful, hopeful, inspiring post.