Dear So and So

[Owlie]

Dear man driving a motorized penis extension:

No, I was not going to pass a slow-moving industrial lawnmower on a winding, tree-lined road with blind curves and a double-yellow line where the speed limit is 40 miles an hour and I can't see around said lawnmower. If you want to do it, be my guest. I'll happily talk to the cops about what happened.

[Roadtrip]

Dear man driving a motorized penis extension:

No, I was not going to pass a slow-moving industrial lawnmower on a winding, tree-lined road with blind curves and a double-yellow line where the speed limit is 40 miles an hour and I can't see around said lawnmower. If you want to do it, be my guest. I'll happily talk to the cops about what happened.

Sorry to hear you had an encounter with the MPE. Tought you mostly stuck to the trail? Where were you riding?

Shannon

[Owlie]

Sorry to hear you had an encounter with the MPE. Tought you mostly stuck to the trail? Where were you riding?

Shannon

Thankfully, not on a ride. I was driving back from the trail. This was in the first few hundred feet up that road you took to that Starbucks where we met up the last time.

Speaking of which, the Montgomery Starbucks is now gone!

[bmccasland]

Dear Knee,
Is there a GOOD reason that you've decided to blow up like a balloon and hurt? I've been good to you, why are you doing this. Don't you hear Ann saying how good you're doing. Today was not fun. How about some nice narcotics for bed tonight?

[alexis_the_tiny]

Dear self,

Don't make transactions while on medication. Now you've accidentally deleted the phone number of a buyer along with the text message of her address to mail her stuff to. Brilliantly done. How now?? *Facepalm*

[Owlie]

Dear software--you are evil.

[Owlie]

Dear mom--
In the future, I'd appreciate it if you didn't take it upon yourself to clean out my room while I'm not around. I was hoping to break into the stash of stationery covered with pictures of cute animals colored by someone on an acid trip for grad school because I don't want to take it Too Seriously...and black/dark blue/dark green notebooks are a little boring. I can't, because you threw it out.

While on the subject: Your reasoning was because "you're an adult now." It was also your reasoning for replacing my bedding with white-and-boring. I happen to like brightly colored bedding. (Red sheets are good for other reasons too...) It's two or three years old--it doesn't bleed in the wash any more! If I'm An Adult, doesn't that mean that I get to define what being An Adult is? And if I want silly stationery made by a company that was popular in the 80s and 90s or my (un)necessarily huge stuffed toy collection or red sheets, is that a problem? Or does being An Adult mean being boring?