Wait, is it even possible to have been married for 29 years and still wear clothes from junior high? Those things must be so thread bare, I would assume multiple arrests for indecent exposure would be worth shelling out a few bucks for a new shirt.

So much of this post screams troll! But the DIY gatorade sounds cool.

OP, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt because being in an abusive relationship SUCKS when people don't believe you, or think you must be exaggerating, or don't understand why you don't just leave....
but seriously. If all this is for reals you need to find support and dump this jerk. Worry about the perfect bike once you get your life back in order.