LOL- been there, done that! more than once.
I also like bag balm (used on cows udders to prevent infection) and the other one whose name I can't remember that comes in a black and white cow patterned plastic tub. Unfortunately I can't find that one around here, and bag balm is only found occasonnally so Butt Btr (purple and yellow tube) is my go to. They also make individual packets that are handy to toss in a jersey pocket for reapplication mid ride as needed.
when in doubt, lube, lube, lube.
marni




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