Dear face--
I know it takes you a couple weeks to adjust to being home and away from Cleveland's hard-on-skin water, but you feel like an oil slick. It's gross and now I'm ending up with spots.

Dear self--
Stop being a lazy bum and 1) change your razor blade so you don't have to keep nicking your knees, and 2) cook things so you can have lunch tomorrow and don't have to order a pizza. (As much as you miss the pizza from this place.)