Why a women's forum?

[channlluv]

Well, now we're all curious, Jess.

I come here because even though I'm 80lbs overweight and have food issues, every single person here has been supportive of my cycling and swimming. Yeah, I get the occasional much-needed tough love kick in the butt about food and regular exercise. I don't take that as judging. I take that as "Come on, you can do this -- don't lose sight of your goals." A lot of women here have been through similar life experiences.

I can ask questions about food sensitivities, get great recipes I'd never have thought to try otherwise, get advice on cross training, and so much more, and not a bit of judgement with any of it. And here's a key thing: I can also OFFER advice based on my own experience and you women listen and take what I have to contribute as something valuable and you don't discount it because I'm "too fat to bike" or whatever. That actually happens in other forums. Those of you who are very fit may never know what it feels like to be made invisible and completely disregarded because of your appearance, but even so, most of the women on this board will make supportive comments, even if that's never, and will probably never, happened to them.

I was a member of BikeForums for a while and I felt relegated to their large women's Athena forum, which was hardly ever posted in when I was there, and then it was mostly people saying "Hi, I'm here." There was no real discussion, and when I tried to participate in the regular forums, I felt like I'd dropped into the middle of a frat house or something.

As for Mr. Bloom, it's nice that you like to hang out here and you've made friends here, but Silver does, too, and she has friends on the board who have missed her presence since you two split. When she said she felt like you "got TE" in the divorce, I felt her pain on that one. I think a lot of us here did. When you said you intended to keep your interactions with her civil on this board, the tone of it rankled me. I'll be honest and say it's never bothered me until right then that you are a regular on the board.

The only other male I notice on a regular basis is PsyclePath, and I appreciate his comments on bike safety issues. In fact, I'm probably wrong on this, but I can't remember him posting about much else. Although I do recall a story about him having a flat in Mobile while visiting family and having to take the tire in for repair, and the lbs wrench asking him how the Madone was, and PsyclePath asking how the guy knew he rode a Madone, and the guy saying it was because of the quality of the tire.

That's also where I learned you can fix a hole in a tire with a dollar bill long enough to get it to a shop for repair. That was you, wasn't it, Psycle?

Okay, so, yeah, open communication, tough love, non-judgmental, great recipes, great advice, lots of rah-rah support when I need it. And I love that I have virtual friends from all over the world. I feel so eclectic. <g>

Roxy

[jobob]

Mr. Bloom, for the record, I don't see you as the primary, or even as a, source of controversy.

[strikeout] I respectfully disagree. [/strikeout] [insert] I do not share the above poster's view in this matter. [/insert] I consider Mr. Bloom to be the primary source of the controversy here.

I always wondered why the spouse of one of our TE members hung around so much on this forum; it got to the point where he was posting continuously while she hardly ever posted.

Then, out of the blue, Mr. Bloom saw fit to post a hideous, ugly tirade while he and his wife were in the midst of a divorce. His ex-wife stopped posting on TE, much to the disappointment of many of us here. Considering the venom Mr. Bloom spewed, it was understandable, but still regrettable; in light of the bitter ex-husband's staking his "claim" to this board, I think many of us would have cut our losses and walked away as well.

Mr. Bloom is still here, obviously. He has certainly built himself quite a following here; particularly when there is any discussion of business matters, he presents himself as the voice of manly wisdom and experience. I'm sure he gets quite the ego boost posting here. I suspect that's the main reason why he is here; he's a big fish in our little pond.

I for one do not welcome his presence, but we've dealt with this many times before and the consensus is he is perfectly free to be here.

Fortunately, the TE forum now has an "ignore user" option, so those of us who do not welcome Mr. Bloom here can use that option.

Mr. Bloom's constant presence had actually been a non-issue for me until his ex reappeared (much to the delight of many of us here) and he wasted no time criticizing her for alluding to their divorce, despite the fact it was just a passing mention and there was no reference made to him.

I'm sure Mr. Bloom will once again climb up on his high horse and act the injured party -- that is his pattern whenever any criticism (real or imaginary) comes his way. That, and dropping the names of his good friends on TE, presumably to reinforce the fact that he's a great guy.

Back to the original question -- I have no problem with men occasionally posting on TE. For the reasons above, Mr. Bloom is an exception to that. Which is neither here nor there. Mr. Bloom has every right to be here, as I have every right not to welcome it.

[salsabike]

I respectfully disagree. I consider Mr. Bloom to be the primary source of the controversy here.

I always wondered why the spouse of one of our TE members hung around so much on this forum; it got to the point where he was posting continuously while she hardly ever posted.

Then, out of the blue, Mr. Bloom saw fit to post a hideous, ugly tirade while he and his wife were in the midst of a divorce. His ex-wife stopped posting on TE, much to the disappointment of many of us here. Considering the venom Mr. Bloom spewed, it was understandable, but still regrettable; in light of the bitter ex-husband's staking his "claim" to this board, I think many of us would have cut our losses and walked away as well.

Mr. Bloom is still here, obviously. He has certainly built himself quite a following here; particularly when there is any discussion of business matters, he presents himself as the voice of manly wisdom and experience. I'm sure he gets quite the ego boost posting here. I suspect that's the main reason why he is here; he's a big fish in our little pond.

I for one do not welcome his presence, but we've dealt with this many times before and the consensus is he is perfectly free to be here.

Fortunately, the TE forum now has an "ignore user" option, so those of us who do not welcome Mr. Bloom here can use that option.

Mr. Bloom's constant presence had actually been a non-issue for me until his ex reappeared (much to the delight of many of us here) and he wasted no time criticizing her for alluding to their divorce, despite the fact it was just a passing mention and there was no reference made to him.

I'm sure Mr. Bloom will once again climb up on his high horse and act the injured party -- that is his pattern whenever any criticism (real or imaginary) comes his way. That, and dropping the names of his good friends on TE, presumably to reinforce the fact that he's a great guy.

Back to the original question -- I have no problem with men occasionally posting on TE. For the reasons above, Mr. Bloom is an exception to that. Which is neither here nor there. Mr. Bloom has every right to be here, as I have every right not to welcome it.

EXACTLY. I couldn't have said it better. Thank you, Jo.

[Biciclista]

I respectfully disagree. I consider Mr. Bloom to be the primary source of the controversy here.

I always wondered why the spouse of one of our TE members hung around so much on this forum; it got to the point where he was posting continuously while she hardly ever posted.

Then, out of the blue, Mr. Bloom saw fit to post a hideous, ugly tirade while he and his wife were in the midst of a divorce. His ex-wife stopped posting on TE, much to the disappointment of many of us here. Considering the venom Mr. Bloom spewed, it was understandable, but still regrettable; in light of the bitter ex-husband's staking his "claim" to this board, I think many of us would have cut our losses and walked away as well.

Mr. Bloom is still here, obviously. He has certainly built himself quite a following here; particularly when there is any discussion of business matters, he presents himself as the voice of manly wisdom and experience. I'm sure he gets quite the ego boost posting here. I suspect that's the main reason why he is here; he's a big fish in our little pond.

I for one do not welcome his presence, but we've dealt with this many times before and the consensus is he is perfectly free to be here.

Fortunately, the TE forum now has an "ignore user" option, so those of us who do not welcome Mr. Bloom here can use that option.

Mr. Bloom's constant presence had actually been a non-issue for me until his ex reappeared (much to the delight of many of us here) and he wasted no time criticizing her for alluding to their divorce, despite the fact it was just a passing mention and there was no reference made to him.

I'm sure Mr. Bloom will once again climb up on his high horse and act the injured party -- that is his pattern whenever any criticism (real or imaginary) comes his way. That, and dropping the names of his good friends on TE, presumably to reinforce the fact that he's a great guy.

Back to the original question -- I have no problem with men occasionally posting on TE. For the reasons above, Mr. Bloom is an exception to that. Which is neither here nor there. Mr. Bloom has every right to be here, as I have every right not to welcome it.

I hate to be a copy cat, but you definitely nailed it.

[owlice]

It's not a controversy until/unless people make it one, and people are, of course, free to disagree as to whether Mr. Bloom is a source of controversy, but it's rather silly to disagree with my statement that I don't see him as one! What, you think I DO see him as one?! But I don't!

I recall the thread in which Mr. Bloom announced the divorce, but do not remember it being nasty. Might someone point me to that thread, please?

For the record, I have not interacted with either Mr. Bloom nor Silver (except perhaps in passing) though always appreciated both their posts. I hope they can both participate here and that both refrain from mentioning the other. Though many of us vent here about spouses/SOs/exes/kids/etc., the venting is basically anonymous, those spouses/SOs/exes/kids/etc. aren't here and aren't known to us, and that's NOT the situation with Silver and Mr. Bloom.

Clearly if someone doesn't like one or the other, one can ignore that person. I think they both have great things to say about biking, and I plan to enjoy both their posts on the subject that brought us all together on this board.

And that is all I will say on this.

[owlice]

Well, now we're all curious, Jess.

But on this, I'll say, yes, add me to the list of the curious!

[jessmarimba]

I had always wondered why he was here but never thought very deeply on the subject. Now I do see it as somewhat odd - I wouldn't be happy in silver's situation - but I can't really judge since I didn't know anything about any of it.

I enjoy that TE is a bike-related place where my boyfriend isn't involved. It allows me to be me, rather than me to be a cyclist with ~20 years less experience who has issues riding at altitude, a fear of riding downhill, and no concept of bike repair. I can speak freely and not worry about it.

(Roxy, my post before was somewhat comparing racing mountain bikes to other male-dominated forums, vs. TE being more of a trail running race laid-back, supportive, friendly atmosphere. Which is why I love racing on foot, even though I'll never be that great, but don't (at present) have much desire to race on my mountain bike. In general. There are (as always) exceptions to that. Interesting idea, but better geared towards a different thread, I think.)

[Crankin]

I don't really want to get into this discussion, but I don't remember anyone (Silver or Mr. B) making a nasty comment about the divorce, during the divorce. In fact, I didn't know they were getting a divorce, until many months , or even a year later, when Mr. B affirmed that it had happened, when, I think, someone asked. I really thought it was a joke when he said this and I remember posting this. I wouldn't have thought it was a joke if I had seen "comments."
I guess I must be too welcoming. While it does feel a little uncomfortable to have former spouses who are not happy with each other on the forum, I really don't want to exclude either of them. And, I am surprised at the quickness to judgment on this matter. It doesn't matter who was "at fault" for the split or who joined here, first. They both have been valuable members of the community and they both should be here. There are some on the forum that I know I have very different values from; it doesn't mean they should be excluded because they don't fit my mold .

[channlluv]

Jess, I get it. It's all about being accepted for who and where you are at the moment and supported in getting to where you want to be.

I missed Bloom's "hideous, ugly tirade" during the midst of the divorce, too, but I can't imagine that doing anything to endear him to the group here.

I share stuff with my husband that I read on TE. Mostly the jokes. I don't remember who posted about Jens just finishing the first lap around Tahoe -- "Shut up, snow!" -- but DH thought that was hilarious. He shared it with all of his cycling buddies, too.

But it would never occur to him to hang out here.

Roxy

[indysteel]

It pains me that I've been implicated in this controversy. I became IRL friends with Silver and the now Mr. Bloom when they were still (seemingly) happily married. Over the course of a year or two, I rode with them/saw them at a number of rides. Mr. B and I also share a professional connection.

Their divorce saddened me, but I tried to stay out of it on TE and IRL and that's where I'd prefer to stay. I'm very glad Silver is back; I'm sad that she ever went away. I hope she doesn't doubt my sincerity in that. By the same token, I have remained friends with Mr. Bloom, and while I am not going to apologize for that, I also don't want it to be perceived as some form of side-taking in terms of Silver.

Otherwise, think of me as Switzerland.

[Biciclista]

cool, you could change your name to Indyswitzerland!

No one is implicating you...

[Owlie]

I enjoy that TE is a bike-related place where my boyfriend isn't involved. It allows me to be me, rather than me to be a cyclist with ~20 years less experience who has issues riding at altitude, a fear of riding downhill, and no concept of bike repair. I can speak freely and not worry about it.

This is my situation. DBF doesn't "get" that I have that fear of riding downhill, that I haven't been riding for years and my bike control skills are such that I'd rather dismount and walk around an obstacle that I'm not sure I can clear on the bike.
I'll add to the chorus that it's a literate, supportive community where I can ask questions about nearly anything (bike-related or not) and get answers or at least commiseration.

I'm on another forum (a knitting forum!) that by its nature is mostly women. And while it is also a supportive and friendly group, I just don't have that much in common with most of its members. The conversation that isn't knitting-related largely revolves around the members' offspring. I'm not interested! I'm not a girly girl, and most of my real-life friends are men. It's a different outlook here, I guess.

[WindingRoad]

Honestly after reading all the comments, I think we are just going to have to realize there is no easy answer for Mr. B or Silver. But in essence it is their issue to contend with. I don't envy either of them because that is a really awkward position to be in. I guess I'm viewing them more as people and less as male and female. I get the part about it's supposed to be a women's forum but I haven't interpreted Mr. B's comments as hostile. Possibly a bit disgruntled at times but come on they did just go through a divorce. I don't know either of them but I hope they both feel welcome to post here on TE.

[Mr. Bloom]

So, last year I posted something addressing my name change. The debate made it evident some were offended, others didn't gauge it as offensive at all. What was consistent though was that the uninformed ones who thought it was nasty, made their attacks on me very direct and personal...akin to jobob's post above but on steroids (I recall one poster calling me directly "an idiot").

I deleted the post for a number reasons including the fact that it was blown out of proportion and the volunteer moderators should not have been called on as they were to judge the intent or to moderate such an uproar.

I did not "get TE in the divorce"...I simply continued doing what I had before...and what I intend to continue doing for the reasons I noted above...and I have moved on in my life.

Thank for the supportive PMs. For the one who made a particularly nasty PM to me this morning, I'm not sure what you intended to accomplish.

Indy: so sorry, I didn't mean to put you in the middle (I don't even know what irl is ). No worries on my part...

Now, to all, let the issue rest.

[indysteel]

cool, you could change your name to Indyswitzerland!

No one is implicating you...

No; it would be Switzerlandsteel.

Mr. Bloom referred to meeting me yesterday, and Jobob perceived that as name dropping on his part. Sorry, but I felt implicated to some degree. In the very least, I wanted to make it clear that I haven't, nor do I plan on, taking sides.