My husband ugh!!!

[CycleTherapy]

ummm, I don't mean to sound in any way offense, really I don't. Sometimes we can be near-sighted in our vision because maybe we need a tweak of our lenses or perception. Have you considered your post, as related to the very issue you are experiencing and asking advice for ? Could your post here be the same type of thing that makes your husband anxious and even fearful, which then comes out as anger ? Maybe the action of posting your issue here, is the kind of behavior that has your husband agitated ? Maybe it scares him that (in his belief) you might use FB as the alternative to communicating and satisfying a need for relationship... a relationship that he really wants you to find in HIM and through the commitment of your partnership.

Please read my thoughts merely as "food" for consideration; in no way were they meant as judgement.

[Irulan]

ummm, I don't mean to sound in any way offense, really I don't. Sometimes we can be near-sighted in our vision because maybe we need a tweak of our lenses or perception. Have you considered your post, as related to the very issue you are experiencing and asking advice for ? Could your post here be the same type of thing that makes your husband anxious and even fearful, which then comes out as anger ? Maybe the action of posting your issue here, is the kind of behavior that has your husband agitated ? Maybe it scares him that (in his belief) you might use FB as the alternative to communicating and satisfying a need for relationship... that he really wants you to find in HIM and through the commitment of your partnership.

Please read my thoughts merely as "food" for consideration; in no way were they meant as judgement.

That was kind of what I was thinking - this sounds like a bigger problem than can be solved thorough an internet post. You are posting personal problems in a public forum... maybe no wonder he's uncomfortable with your facebook use! There could be trust issues here, intimacy and I don't mean sex issues, certainly something better addressed through marriage counseling than a public board. Just my two cents.

[goldfinch]

That was kind of what I was thinking - this sounds like a bigger problem than can be solved thorough an internet post. You are posting personal problems in a public forum... maybe no wonder he's uncomfortable with your facebook use! There could be trust issues here, intimacy and I don't mean sex issues, certainly something better addressed through marriage counseling than a public board. Just my two cents.

There is a difference between forums such as this and facebook. On forums most people do not use their real names and it is difficult to know who they are, if not impossible. So, online forums can be a good place to air personal issues. In contrast, most people are themselves on Facebook, with many if not most friends also "real life" friends. I often share issues on online forums I would never share on Facebook because no one has a clue who I am. I keep details like where I live and what I do private so people do not figure out who I am. On facebook I have to be very circumspect.

I personally wouldn't read a lot into the OP husband's concern. He might have heard about how Facebook has little privacy and just be worried about that.

[Irulan]

Wow . Different point of view I guess. I am of the mind that that I never share personal problems on line with people I don't know. For any number of reasons, I won't bore you with the list. Just a different attitude I guess.

[shootingstar]

I actually view forums as more open and searchable than FB. Because FB requires you to register to gain information access. It would useful just to probe what hubby is truly concerned about.

[silver]

Very interesting discussion. My ex-husband did not approve of my FB and forum use. However, it turns out that there many other problems that were much too big to "fix". IMO, that's why he posts here, it was a way of monitoring my involvement and he realized how enjoyable a woman's forum could be. But the end result for me, is I feel like he "got Team Estrogen" in the divorce. :-(

[Kerry1976]

Very interesting discussion. My ex-husband did not approve of my FB and forum use. However, it turns out that there many other problems that were much too big to "fix". IMO, that's why he posts here, it was a way of monitoring my involvement and he realized how enjoyable a woman's forum could be. But the end result for me, is I feel like he "got Team Estrogen" in the divorce. :-(

Bummer!

My ex-husband once asked me if I was on FB. I said yes. He said he was too. He asked if I liked it as he was really new to it and didn't quite get the appeal and/or reasons for using. I told him I used it frequently as I had people on there I had lost touch with or were far away and that I also talk to my running forum friends on there. I think he asked some other technical questions, but neither of us mentioned friending the other and neither of us ever has friended the other. I have no plans to friend him and if he ever tries to friend me I will probably ignore it.

[OakLeaf]

Silver, I did get that idea from this end, and I think it's really unfortunate. We miss you.

I don't get some of the hostility in this thread. Lots of us share lots of personal information on TE, from the shape and size of our labia (hopefully only in the saddle and saddle-related threads ), to issues with care giving and child rearing. Brandi is more than welcome to vent here, as far as I'm concerned.

[lph]

what she said.

+ lots.

[Brandi]

Venting is what I am doing. I don't say much persoanl things on fb anyway and not about my husband ever, Unless "We went camping" or "we went to the movies". He has this way of trying to accuse me of things when he is going through a rough patch. This fb thing was an excuse to get mad at me. And I promise you he spends ALLLLLLLLL day on his computer this is not a cry for mu attention. With that I like everyones comments on the issue many different views. Now hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go. Today working on the beach. A rare one for me! post pic's later.

[margo49]

I reckon you guys will work it out...but in the meantime ...sad to hear yr going thru this.
Thinking of ya!

[salsabike]

Very interesting discussion. My ex-husband did not approve of my FB and forum use. However, it turns out that there many other problems that were much too big to "fix". IMO, that's why he posts here, it was a way of monitoring my involvement and he realized how enjoyable a woman's forum could be. But the end result for me, is I feel like he "got Team Estrogen" in the divorce. :-(

No way---come on back!!

[snapdragen]

No way---come on back!!

Ditto what salsa says!

[channlluv]

Yay, Silver, there you are. We missed you.

I'm on FB and rarely post personal info. I do use it as a professional networking tool. I'm a children's book writer and elementary school librarian, and just about everything I post has something to do with children's literature.

I have a professional site with my photo and contact information, and another resource site I run for children's writers with a bio, photo, and all sorts of how-to-find me information. If someone really wanted to track me down, it's not that hard. Just Google me and there I am. If fact, just as a point of illustration, I just Googled myself and there are accurate links as far as 17 pages in, including this gem, posted on my friend Katie Davis's website with advice for beginning children's writers:

http://katiedavis.com/blog/tag/chicken-butt/

From Roxyanne Young:

Do: Think way, way, waaaaaay outside the box.
Don’t: Forget that you’re a professional, all the time, no matter the venue. Act like one. (The Internet never forgets.)


Appropriate, yes?

Now, I'm kind of famous in the relatively tiny community of professional children's writers. In my actual personal life, hardly any of the people I interact with on a daily basis, including the teachers at my school, have any idea about the Rock Star me. Ha! I'm Clark Kent. Quiet children's librarian by day, rock star children's author by night. (Well, not quite rock star, but you get the idea). Just yesterday at a luncheon I was sharing some of it with a 5th grade teacher and she said, "Why don't we know this about you?" I've worked there for six years.

So privacy is relative, is my point. You share what you want to share. You keep private what you want to keep private.

I love this forum because we *can* share such intimate stuff. Hoohahs, indeed. No judging. Tons of constructive criticism, and sometimes tough love when it's needed. Really, this is the best community I know of online.

Love you people.

Roxy

(Of course, if you try any of the above-mentioned sites at the moment, you'll get an Internal Server Error. Godaddy is working on fixing it.)

[bmccasland]

Hey Roxy - if you ever go to the librarian's convention when it's in New Orleans... there's a webcam on Bourbon Street. More than one sweet librarian has been caught.

Brandi - glad things are going better.