Being social

[Owlie]

I have a few close friends, and a larger network of acquaintances. I need alone time to recharge from social interactions with people I don't know well, but at the same time, I need a couple people I'm close to around.

[westtexas]

Not sure where I sit on the scale at the moment, but I know in the past I've always tested in the "E" category on Meyers-Briggs. However, I feel like a lot of y'all - I have a few close friends but spend the majority of my time alone (with my cat). My family is very very close to me, especially my mother. My few close friends are also great and I enjoy spending time with them - when I am feeling up to it. Most of the time for me the reason I don't participate heavily in group activities is that my peers are not into doing the same things I want to do. THey all want to drink and get hammered and I'm tired of always being the DD (I do drink, BTW, I just can't drink like that). They want to sit around and gossip and I'd rather go outside and hike. They are also all married (or might as well consider themselves to be) and older than me by a few years and the biggest thing on their minds right now is husbands and babies (obviously I am close to neither at this point in my life).

But, on the other hand, I enjoy striking up conversations with complete strangers while waiting in lines or while out doing my hobbies. I can make friends with just about anyone. I enjoy social interaction - I just have to choose it carefully. Probably why all the tests say I'm extroverted!

Update: Took the test. Found out I'm an ESFJ. Apparently good for being the medical field, so I guess that's a good thing. The description definitely was me to a 't'.

[tulip]

Yes...

Sometimes I'm INFJ, sometimes INTJ.

And the sports I've enjoyed are of the more solitary nature. Not team sports.

Me, too! although I thoroughly enjoyed playing competitive soccer when I was younger.

[Crankin]

Ha, I am an ENTJ, the most un-counselor like of all of the combinations. Apparently because I am so direct, I should be a business person.

[emily_in_nc]

I'm INFJ and frequently need to be on my own to "recharge", and those who are extroverted sometimes have a hard time understanding my need to be alone.

Another INFJ here! I am around and interacting with people at work all day so sometimes feel downright anti-social when I get home. I live in an apartment now and have some neighbors I love, but sometimes I really hope not to run into anyone when I take my dog out for a walk, for instance. Other times I'm just fine with it and happy to stop and chat. I'm much more sociable on the weekends since I haven't had my social energy drained at work.

We lived in a single-family homes for many years, and this was not something I ever had to worry about. Although I come across as very sociable, I think; living in multi-family housing has reinforced for me just how much of an introvert I really am. A friendly, smiling introvert who loves her alone time.

[ultraviolet]

I'm an introvert, with a fairly small social circle. In fact, I was just having a conversation with someone about how Facebook does or does not reflect how we implement interpersonal relationships in our day-to-day lives, and I mentioned that I looked at the number of "friends" I had on Facebook a couple of months ago and promptly dropped about 2/3 of them, because it was improbable to me that I had that many people I would call "friend".

I have no bitterness over the notion that people with extensive social networks may live longer than me. I'm fine with that. IN fact, it just gives me more motivation to live the life that I want and that makes me happy while I can. And if that life means more time reading a book on the couch, or riding around on the back of my bike by myself...I'm totally fine with that, because it's what keeps me happy. To be honest, I've never really thought I'd make it past about 52 anyway. No, I don't have a death wish, it's just a number that stuck in my head when I was pretty young. So, in my brain, anything past that is just bonus time.

As far as Meyers-Briggs goes, I'm an INTJ. If you read the description of an INTJ, it's definitely reflective of the core of my personality...and certainly in my professional life.

For anyone who is familiar with the Enneagram, I'm a 5. That's something that's also pretty descriptive me, but it goes a little deeper than the Meyers-Briggs, with more variation in personality and motivation drivers.

[lauraelmore1033]

My hunch is that it is the quality of the social contacts, not quantity.

well crap, I'm done for...

[PamNY]

I was recently introduced to the Jungian concept of introversion/extroversion. The idea is that most people gain energy from being with others, but there are some people who need solitude to recharge. I'm one. Sounds like maybe you are, too. (This is independent of the common concepts of introversion or extroversion - someone can function well in social situations and even be a show-off, but still be drained by it emotionally.)

Yes! Thank you! This is me. And isn't the bike wonderful for solitude?

Roadie gal, I have wondered about exactly the question you ask. As I get older, I am less interested in superficial friends, and I have less of a need to please people. I hope I am just changing to a different type of friend, as "special interest" friends are playing more of a role in my life.

It's a good topic to discuss.

[smilingcat]

interesting test. Some of the questions were not easy to answer. Depending on my mood I may react differently.

You are:

* slightly expressed extravert
* distinctively expressed intuitive personality
* moderately expressed feeling personality
* moderately expressed judging personality

an ENFJ
Strength of the preferences %
Extraverted 1 %
Intuitive 62%
Feeling 25%
Judging 56%

I'm not so sure about moderately expressed judging personality. This doesn't sound good.

I do admit that I first look at problem intuitively and if it makes sense then I approach it logically.

As for having circle of friends, I like to keep several circle of friends. Co-workers are one group. Gardening another group. Cat people another group. Ceramic/pottery another group. Cycling another group...

One thing though, I really can't stand is a huge party. I'm just overwhelmed. I prefer quiet gathering of 2-4 friends.

The thing about those who live to be 100 I've noticed, is that they all seem to have been happy with their lives, content in their living and of course very little stress. I don't think its matter of how many friends you have or how extroverted you are.

Well thank you for the link to the test. It was fun.

[Kiwi Stoker]

I have been living with a 94 year old woman for the last 2 years.
I have watched her slowly pull into herself over that time. She has stopped talking to people on the phone, stopped talking to visitors (she watches TV) and doesn't go out or if she does, it's to the church service and then straight home afterwards.

I watch this with sorrow- I cannot talk or interact with her as she speaks another language and DH tries his best to start conversations but she shuts him down very quickly.

Is this quality of life? I don't think so. And I don't know when we move out with 6 weeks time what is going to happen. Very sad.

[OakLeaf]

If you take the Briggs-Meyers test they ask if you need to "decompress" and be on your own after being with others - a classic sign of being introverted.

Uh ... where's the privacy policy on that webpage??? Besides this one:

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Kiwi Stoker, I'm so sorry about your friend/relative and about the position you're in with her. Hope all works out for the best - although it's hard to know what is best in that kind of situation.

[ASammy1]

This is really interesting as it seems most of us fall into the NFJ category... I am ENFJ, but just barely on the E side of the spectrum. Hmmm, something to ponder...

[roadie gal]

Yes...

Sometimes I'm INFJ, sometimes INTJ.

And the sports I've enjoyed are of the more solitary nature. Not team sports.

Yes, exactly. Over the years I've taken the test a number of times and it always comes up one of these 2

[Owlie]

I test either as ISTP or ISTJ (apparently the last one isn't a terribly strong preference). The I is certainly a strong preference!

Sorry, Asammy.

[ClockworkOrange]

Love the thread roady gal.

Over the years I have been lucky enough to have had a lot of friends and when I divorced it was great, always somebody who was happy to go out somewhere with me or just pop over for a chat.

Same at Christmas time, so many cards to write out blah blah blah!

Now I am older, I think why on earth am I writing Christmas cards to people I will never ever see again and frankly don’t know or really care about anymore. This sounds pretty harsh but I am sure my ‘then’ friends feel the same. So much so I have minimised my Christmas list big time and the same with pressies, it was becoming a chore and that is the the time to stop. I have a handful of very close friends and if we do not speak for a couple of months it never matters, we are always there for each other.

My PET HATE!

You go for a walk in the country or a bike ride and all of a sudden everybody wants to say ‘hello’..................well I DON’T! I avoid eye contact, just can’t be bothered but my partner is the opposite, he is nice to everybody. If I was to see these same people along the High Street or shopping mall they wouldn’t give me the time of day.

I do enjoy company I choose to be with but equally I need solitude too.

Yes, the original Mrs Grumpy!