Hey Sunrise, I understand that you feel disappointed, but maybe you can also see it from a different perspective. In the end, isn't it a good thing that it doesn't make sense to be too skinny and that you do better performance-wise when you actually feel better? That way you can feel good and know that your body feels and performs better too. It would be really concerning if you could just drop 30 pounds of your body and still be as strong or even stronger than before. Your body is a beautiful machine, it's not built with such masses of empty "excess" weight that you can just drop without consequences, wouldn't make sense, would it
As disappointing as the race may have been, now you know you can trust yourself and should have done that in the first place - that's a good thing.
Feel hugged, be good to yourself, things will get better