Eating disorders?

[Susan]

Healthy weight and peoples views and comments about it are such a difficult issue.

This equation "lighter is always better" is something you can frequently hear in the biking community (and not only there), and while to some extend it may be true that you can climb better if you are lighter, of course it doesn't mean you should be at a weight that you don't feel comfortable with and that makes you feel weak - so like many things "people say" it's a half-truth that gets repeated (by people in the bike-community, in bike magazines, by doctors) without thinking too much.

Stupid comments about your weight in general is something you can't escape - NO MATTER WHAT WEIGHT YOU ACTUALLY ARE (and with the wide range from "anorexic" to "fat" you can comment on anybodies weight if you want to).
A lot of people, even doctors, only take BMI as an indicator for the "right" weight without bothering if you are athletic or not or what body type you are.
Some people seem to just feel better about themselves if they can give you bad comments about your weight. A lot of people have a distorted view of "healthy" weight. Women in our society, not only in sports, are often considered chubby if they are at a perfectly healthy weight.

Other might just not know that they are doing harm to people that have eating disorders if they are commenting their weight in one way or the other (even when they really wanted to pay them a compliment). I guess your racing friends just wanted to calm you regarding your weightloss because they didn't know you were concerned about it because of your eating disorder - comments "meant good" can often do harm. If they are good friends, maybe you could tell them about this, so they are aware of the actual problem?

In general, and this is the most difficult part, if those comments are a trigger for your eating disorder you should be aware that there is sadly no environment where you won't at some point come across people that feel the need to comment about your weight or weight in general.
Easy to say, but eventually you need to be confident about your weight, because you judge it by the way you feel and not the way others feel about it. You seem to be well aware that you shouldn't have lost so much weight because you don't feel good about your body now. Trust yourself.

While sports often help with building confidence and leading a healthy lifestyle, this doesn't necessarily apply to competitive sports.
Racing seems to put a lot of pressure on you atm. I understand that you don't want to let your team down, but from what you wrote you will feel bad in the end, no matter how you do in your races. So you can't win, can you? Doesn't sound healthy nor fun to me