(((badger)))

I've learnt a few things from losing both close and not so close family members.

Losing the not-so-close ones can feel harder and more unsettling, because the relationship was maybe more unbalanced, more unsatisfactory or had conflicts. I was confronted with not only regret and many unsaid things, but also in a sense I was confronted with the fact that that is the way that particular relationship would "stay", for all time. There was no going back, and no going forward either. I also felt confronted by myself, as if I had to accept that the way I had behaved towards this particular person was defined as "me" forever. We behave differently to different people, and we like some "me's" more than others, but these "me's" also usually change with time. And this wasn't even a person I had had strong conflicts with either. I was also mourning the loss of a relationship we never had, but could have had.

Losing a closer member was actually easier, because we had an uncomplicated, loving relationship and I could just grieve for that loss in a straightforward way.

Write out your feelings, if that helps. Sudden insights may pay a visit