Dear So and So

[OakLeaf]

I didn't mean to suggest your complaints (or anyone's) weren't valid - just sharing my POV. Sorry.

[bcipam]

Long time reader...first time poster...

Want another woman's perspective...

First know I am estranged from my family. I mean, I sortof keep in touch but not much. It's been years since I visited my folks or siblings. My youngest sister and I used to be very close, almost best friends. Trying to make a long story short... after a very bad and sad event, I discovered my sister is a weak willed, weak minded person whose life has been filled with poor choices and bad decisions. If we weren't family, I would have nothing at all to do with her.

My parents are both alive and doing fairly well. My dad, age 90, has Alzheimer's but physically is well. My mother, age 83, is as sharp as a tack but recently has been going through some tests because of physical complaints (doctors have suggested polymyositis; it sounds to me like scleroderma).

Anyway, my sister called me yesterday at work. She called 10 times but left no message. When I could, I called her back. She says to me "[Our brother] has cancer; it's in his liver, kidneys, spleen and other places. We all need to pray for him!" My response "OK" but I said nothing else. My sister then got mad at me and I finally asked "what's really going on?" She responded "[brother] and mom have cancer and dad is losing his mind; my world is crashing in on me!!!"

It took me awhile to think about what she said "Her world?" If my brother has cancer, what about his world? He's the one who should be worried and upset. I responded "You need to calm down; stop getting so upset about these things. You aren't help to anyone when you get so emotional". This caused her to break down more and cry and I responded by "get counseling; I'll call mom".

After calling my mom, I found out of course she does not have cancer. My dad has been DX'd with Alzheimer for over 15 years so that is no surprise. My brother was been discovered to have cancer and is most likely late stage, so that's sad but "boo-hooing" about it now won't be a help to him in the long run. He needs to know there are people he can talk to and rely on.

Like I said, estranged from the family but I am there to help my folk when they need it. The brother and sisters, really long story; just know I am not close. I have been speaking with the other sister and she is level headed like me and will step in to ask the right questions and help out the family (since I am in California and they in Mississippi).

OK I know I am complaing about stuff to but frankly I am at a lost as how to connect with the one sister who has "crisis" and "DRAMA!" in her life by her own doing (or if I should bother). She really has a wonderful life - 3 great kids, a good job, a lovely home in a lovely place and a loving man. But the drama, and crying and whining and complaining... good grief! Like get over it!

Appreciate your insight or own stories about family.