I miss her

[shootingstar]

Your thoughts and heart-felt advice is appreciated thus far. I now have to say...there were 6, now there are 5.

I can't imagine Aggie...

I actually posted a childhood photo of this same sister and myself on this forum over a yr. ago.

I last saw my sister alive this past June when I returned from Europe. I live in Western Canada whereas her and as well as my whole family live in Ontario.

At this time my father's prostate cancer has advanced. So the family is shifting between several different 'crises'.

If it weren't for dearie who helped me familiarize with my new city (for me), I would have been more bereft since I know no one in this city...

If I sound blithe later over time, it is because I embrace life which is why I do continue to write...on subjects I enjoy sharing with others. That as well as cycling (though not right now when it's colder) are convenient distractions. But I think of my sis nearly daily now, whereas before her death, I didn't. I have 5 other siblings...too.

A suicide survivor recently told me that in the darkness of suicidal thoughts, the person has such twisted, wrong perceptions that they are absolutely right what they are doing. This survivor had to deal with the anger (as she concurs the anger is justified) of her own family when she attempted suicide.

I will say this again as I said actually several times over the years on this forum, love your siblings if you can. They are friends for life.

[Biciclista]

I am so sorry for your loss. Suicide is a terrible thing. And I'm sorry you have to deal with it all alone in a new place.

[Catrin]

I am so sorry to read of your loss, I can't imagine the pain of losing a sibling, sending warm thoughts and comfort your way.

[Melalvai]

My youngest uncle dropped out of his PhD program and moved back home with Grandpa because of depression. Less than a month later he died of a heart attack. I heard that many in the community were hesitant to visit Grandpa because they thought it was suicide. That didn't make sense to me. Why would they be less forthcoming with their condolences??

Four years later a young cousin shot himself. I don't know if it was the difference in age (20 yrs old vs 37 yrs) but his mother had/has no shortage of condolences.

The death is difficult enough; the cultural component of suicide is an additional challenge. Seven years later, my uncle still drops in on my dreams, and his sister misses him keenly. She'll be with you a long time.

[Bike Writer]

Shootingstar, I am so sorry to read about your loss. What a tragedy for you to bear. Sending you warm thoughts and many prayers.

[azfiddle]

Shooting Star,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your sad experience with us and I hope that it helps. I lost my mom to suicide as a teen. It was so hard for me to understand why a person would be hurting so much that they believed that taking their own life would be better. I know that I felt so much guilt that I could have done something differently, but of course, I couldn't. So I hope you are not experiencing that sense of guilt.

Hugs

[owlice]

shootingstar, I am so sorry for your loss; that is tragic and sad.

I know what it's like to lose a sibling, though not to suicide. My brother was less than a year younger than I and died 16 years ago. I used to scream in my car, pound the wheel, and cry, wondering where my brother had gone, how could he no longer be here?

You will always miss her. As time goes by, you will not always miss her all the time. It will hurt less often, but it will likely be a year or two before you notice that it isn't hurting so often, that there are breaks between the hurt, and times when it doesn't hurt so much to think of your sister, times when you are simply grateful for having had the opportunity to know her.

I hope that you can talk to your family, to her children and husband, to your parents, about your sister.

Your change in perspective will probably stay with you; so far, it has for me.

I am so so sorry; you have my deepest condolences.

[Irulan]

A suicide survivor recently told me that in the darkness of suicidal thoughts, the person has such twisted, wrong perceptions that they are absolutely right what they are doing.

yes, I am one and I would agree - you get so into the throes of where your (mis)perceptions/mental illness are taking you, that it really does seem like the only option. I was fortunate in that there wasn't and anger, just, "wow, let's get some help here about what brought you to this place" and we ( my family, husband and I) were able to move forward with the professional help I/we needed.

Anyway, hugs. I can only imagine how difficult this is for everyone. As for what's appropriate to tell the kids...I'd look for professional help/guidance/counseling for everyone. My personal feeling is that those kids are old enough to know what mental health issues are in the family and that it should be talked about, but with professional guidance. I certainly don't NOT talk about it here... we've got bi polar, alcoholism and assorted depressive issues in the family tree, and we most certainly talk about it.