Body Image and other Random Thoughts

[Lise]

Biker Hen--Happy Birthday! I hope you get in a great ride for your 50th. I got smoked last summer on a metric century by some older ladies who had to weigh around 200# each. It was humbling. They were stronger. Older, heavier, and stronger. I'm 45, and like you, I don't want to be old and incapacitated. My mom used to love to ride her bike, but lately her inattention to her diabetes has robbed her of that pleasure. I am sure your Chick gets a lot of pleasure out of getting out there and getting muddy with her mom.

Mel, you make me think of Jayne Williams, who wrote a book called Slow Fat Triathlete. the subtitle is "Live your athletic dreams in the body you have now." Her website is www.slowfattriathlete.com Her message, like yours, is really clear: Get out there and do what you love to do. I am glad that cycling is working for you. I think Jayne is 5'10", too. Her story about trying on a wetsuit for the first time is hilarious. I re-read it before I tried on my own first wetsuit, because the internal messages about not looking like an athlete were so strong. I think I've finally got it that an athlete is some one who does athletic stuff. And you've been an athlete from the git-go, it sounds like to me.

Take care, Lise

[SadieKate]

And it appears there are things BikerHen isn't telling us!

[bcipam]

BikerHen:

I'm 5'8" and weigh 220 lbs. I need to lose 60 pounds or more. I will never be slim and in fact, don't want to be. I'm curvy, full chested and that is just me. I do want to be fit and not suffer from disease when I get older (I'm 55 now) so I'm trying to lose weight.

My size (and I have been bigger topping out at 260!) has never stopped me from riding or hiking or going to spin class, or doing anything physically. The only thing my size does is cause me to be gravitationally challenged and I can't climb hills as fast as I would like. I'm a strong climber but physics are what they are and it's hard to move this much weight up a hill fast.

One thing I've learned about men... they are happy if their women are happy. They could care less of you are fat, or skinny, tall or short, they just care if you are happy and well, want to make them happy as well (hint hint). It's in our own minds that out men will reject us if we don't look like Heidi Klum. Sure they fantasize about Heidi, but they are with you!

My philosophy: never let my size, or my age, or my inclination stop me from doing what I want to do.

PS: Terry (terrybicycles.com) makes beautiful plus size jerseys. I have a fairly large collection of them (I have more bike clothes than street clothes - yes sad I admit). I have lost some weight so many no longer fit. I wouldn't mind sending you the jerseys if they fit and you can use them. Send me an email if you are interested.

[Melody]

Hey Mel, I'll play tennis with you... haven't swung a racket in years (wondering if mine will still work?) but I'm game. A few times meeting up to knock them around then before you know it we'll be able to have 'matches'.

Works for me. I really loved playing. When I was down or frustrated I'd hit the courts to work out... or at least exhaust myself where it wouldn't hurt any more.

As to body image... I don't know. I never got sucked into the whole "gotta look this way" hyped by magazines.

I never got sucked into trying what the magazines hyped... but I'd get depressed by the fact I wasn't looking that way. Luckily I'm mostly over that sort of thing but at times it does come back.

[quote=spazzdog]I never learned to apply makeup... if I had to go to a fancy thing I'd have someone do it for me.[quote]

heh. I can apply makeup... but I *suck* So I just go without. And like you I have someone else do it for me... usually a salon or somesuch.

You should all know that you are beautiful as you are and while you worry or obsess abt a part or parts you don't like, there's someone standing across the way thinking you're the most beautiful woman they've ever seen.

I know for me it's hard. It's the years of just really poor self-esteem. Getting called whale jokes as a kid didn't really help either.

Mel, you make me think of Jayne Williams, who wrote a book called Slow Fat Triathlete. the subtitle is "Live your athletic dreams in the body you have now." Her website is www.slowfattriathlete.com Her message, like yours, is really clear: Get out there and do what you love to do. I am glad that cycling is working for you. I think Jayne is 5'10", too. Her story about trying on a wetsuit for the first time is hilarious. I re-read it before I tried on my own first wetsuit, because the internal messages about not looking like an athlete were so strong. I think I've finally got it that an athlete is some one who does athletic stuff. And you've been an athlete from the git-go, it sounds like to me.

Take care, Lise

Lise thank you for the link. I just went over and read the wetsuit section and just about spewed my coffee. Her writing style is very very humorous. I also think that it's pretty darned cool that she lives in the same town that I do! (At least according to the bio)

I'm going to have to go pick up a copy of her book and read it.

I have to say that I never really felt like an athlete growing up. Athletes were those fit, trim jocks in high school. I was very much one of the non-in crowd. Quiet, shy, a nerd and a bookworm. Tennis was just something I enjoyed and was ok at.

Mel

[DirtDiva]

I have to say that I never really felt like an athlete growing up.

Me niether. Far too unco. That's one of the reasons I enjoy biking and snowboarding and the like so much - good balance is way more important than that pesky hand-eye stuff, so I don't, like, suck.

[bikerHen]

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. Winter has decided to resume for the weekend, wet snow yesterday, and snowing heavily this morning. So no 50 mile ride this weekend! DH suggested I do fifty miles on the trainer?!! I passed on that idea! BikerHen

[Trekhawk]

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. Winter has decided to resume for the weekend, wet snow yesterday, and snowing heavily this morning. So no 50 mile ride this weekend! DH suggested I do fifty miles on the trainer?!! I passed on that idea! BikerHen

Sorry about the weather Bikerhen - no snow here but its raining if that makes you feel any better. Perhaps 50 pages of a good book might be a nice alternative.

[RoadRaven]

Well, what great thread

It is good to have a place to share anxities and realise that there are more normal woman out there than the media images we are presented with to emulate.

I am interested to know how many of you remember comments by family members.
Although peer pressure plays a huge part in how we perceive ourselves, there are quite a few studies which suggest that a woman's "problem/issue" with food and her body stems from a family member or close family friend.

For me it was my grandmother telling me everytime she saw me I had big upper arms and thighs... I was anorexic at 13, got through that and now battle weight with a healthier attitude as I face middle age post-children.

The power of our family approval can be huge.

My own children have had very little to do with this grandmother (their great grandmother) because she still talks to everyne like this, and I have felt like smacking her for a couple of the things she has said to my daughter - fortunataly my daughter and I have a good relationship and have talked this through and she seems to be a healthy well-adjusted 17 year old who still eats chocolate without feeling guilty... phew...

[nicolezoie]

Sorry if this is kinda long...

I was a hyper kid. My parents were wise enough to know that the REAL solution to my hyperactivity was to put me in sports. Soccer in winter, swim team in summer, and eventually swimming year around. I was always active and was a super athlete, with *real* Olympic aspirations as a kid - coaches from prominent swim teams tried to recruit me starting from age 7. I kinda got a big head about myself for a few years, but nobody messed with me because I could kick some serious butt. Then, puberty and health class came into my life, and I started to seriously question the mirror, and lost that hard-edged confidence in myself. Even though I achieved Varsity all 4 years for swimming in high school, I still didn't like how I looked in the mirror.

When I moved out on my own at 18, away from family & friends to a different state, I started shedding the "everyone's looking at me" paranoia, and I started to be a little more comfortable being me. I remembered how my mother told me that I was one of those people who had to have some sort of physical activity or I just wasn't right with myself, so I started commuting to work daily, and got praise from everyone in my life for having the discipline to ride so much, even in bad weather. I started to feel a little stronger within myself.

But, to this day, I still have ALOT of body image problems, and I don't really think I'll ever be able to get over them. It's not a fat or thin thing anymore, it's both. From the waist up I think I'm too thin, but from the waist down, I think I'm too heavy. I carry all my weight in my wide hips and workhorse legs. It's still very hard for me to accept my athletic figure, but at the same time, I'm utterly terrified of losing what I have worked so hard to build. At 5'4 1/2", 145#, size 10 pants, in *theory* I look fine, but what I still see in the mirror is completely different. I know in reality that I'm physically and mentally tougher than most everyone I know, but it's only in passing. I don't think I'll ever really be happy with myself.

[Selkie]

Well, what great thread

I am interested to know how many of you remember comments by family members.
Although peer pressure plays a huge part in how we perceive ourselves, there are quite a few studies which suggest that a woman's "problem/issue" with food and her body stems from a family member or close family friend.

The power of our family approval can be huge.

...

Wow, this hit home. My oldest SISTER was quite cruel to me when I was a kid/teen, telling me that I had a "fat butt" that I was stupid, uncool, etc. At the time, it really hurt me and it ended up making me insecure about myself for a long time. I now realize that my sister was, is, and always has been jealous of me for some complex "family" reasons that I won't get into here. Suffice it to say that as sad as it is, I can't have a relationship w/my sister and it's much healthier to let go of the toxic relationship & move on.

[Brandi]

From what I can see in your little picture of you you look to be a beutiful women. I hope I can have your outlook on life when i grow up (I am 37). I am having a few hard times with getting older right now. I am 5'3 145 pounds. Gained a lot of wieght when I was on steroids a couple years ago for a rash that took 3 months to go away. Wish they had never given me that stuff. I could loose 10 to 15 pounds and i would be happier.but when i try i just seem to not loose any weight. Sigh!! I have a dh who i have been with for 19 years.He knew me when I was 120 pounds yet he still thinks I am sexy. Guys are easy! Or should i try and see me through he's eye's. Curious? anyway like I said I hope when I grow up I can be as cool as you and just be happy!

[Veronica]

I'm only 39, so you've got just two years to grow up.

V.

[snapdragen]

I'm only 39, so you've got just two years to grow up.

V.

Ha! I'm going to be 49, and I refuse to grow up yet!

[DirtDiva]

Growing old is compulsory, growing up is entirely optional.

[susiej]

Sorry, but just as with cars, bodies come in packages. If you want the legs then you gotta take the pancake flat chest.

My 5'8", size 0 niece complained at 16 that she had "no boobs" and wanted implants. Well, she had very nice boobs, just not flotation devices. In addition to telling her the usual, that she's still growing, she has nice boobs, I also mentioned that busty women, like her aunt, tend to be overall padded, which she isn't.

And of course, I have my own issues. Long story short: 145 lbs looks skinny when you're down from 200 lbs, and I have to laugh now at how "fat" I thought I was at 145 lbs when I was gaining weight.

--S.