Thanks for all the thoughtful and kind replies, everyone. I really, really appreciate your taking the time. I would not normally solicit opinions on something like this since I almost always just follow my gut and do exactly what I want to do. The reason I asked here this time is because I truly do not know what I want to do.

I don't want to email her out of guilt, and at this point, I am afraid that is what it would be, as some said. Even though she's sweet and fun to be with, I don't really have the time/space/energy for anyone else in my life right now. Especially one who doesn't live close, doesn't cycle, and whom it would be a bit of a hassle to try to get together with. Since moving to Chapel Hill in June, we've made new friends in our apartment complex, even a nice couple who cycles too, and it's just a lot easier to spend time with them since they're right here.

I wouldn't ask my former co-workers to deliver a message to her; I surely don't want to put them in the middle of this. I know she's not actively pursuing me or stalking me in any way; she just happened to get put into a breakout group with these two guys I worked with really recently, so naturally my name came up since I was a mutual acquaintance, and we all used to work at the same company -- she left 20 years ago, though.

I do care about her, but probably not enough to contact her, as I am afraid that she'd try to re-kindle things, and whether she's with or without her awful DH, I don't really want that, for all the reasons I've already stated. If I were lonely, retired, or single with a lot more time on my hands, I'd probably get back in touch, but I'm none of those, and I also value my alone time, being an introvert by nature, so I really do try not to spread myself too thin or over-schedule.

So, I guess after thinking this over, reading all your responses, and writing out my thoughts, I'm more inclined to just let this one lie. I honestly don't think she'll make contact again if I don't email her now. (Side note: I am also not on Facebook, feeling pretty much like badger about it; otherwise I'm sure she would have contacted me long ago because I checked, and she is.)

I just hope I can deal with the guilt. I have a very over-developed sense of guilt!

Thanks all...you're the best.