OMG This hurts SO bad

[martinkap]

Yeah, what Knotted said.

Everyone is very supportive and you know we feel your pain, but I think what I was missing in my hard times, was an actual PRACTICAL advice how to live today and tomorrow. So, here it goes (with some prologue).

Prologue:
I was once hurt beyond believe: After 2 years of dating, he came every other weekend, was nice to me (since I was helping him with his thesis) and when I was done, he just said "go away, I don't want to talk to you". Then I cried for 2 weeks while seeing him with his old high school ex-gf and then he came again, was nice to me ... I survived this roller-coaster for 2 months and then I broke down. I lost 20 lbs and did not talk to anyone for a month, just cried. I remember passing out because I was unwilling to move. I hated mornings, because I had to wake up and realize the reality once again. Since then, I hate mornings.

But one day I realized that I am going to move, I am actually going to walk to bathroom myself and I did. The biggest victory of my life. I am still very proud of it. What the guy did was wrong - he played me for his own interests (he never graduated on time anyway) and I don't talk to him anymore, but I am happy I had to go through it. It made me better person.

Next time my life was falling apart I decided to have a strategy. So, here is my strategy.

Reasoning which works for me:
Psychological pain seems to subsidize when I am actually physically uncomfortable.

I did not realize that but I used drink a lot not to be drunk but to have a hangover for next 2 days. During the hangover I was so sick that I kind of did not care about my heart problems that much. Thinking about throwing up any minute definitely pushes away other problems.

But I don't want to drink anymore in such excess and I hate to throw up. So, I run. Badly, slowly, crying but I run.

Here is what I do: Put a pile of running clothes next to the door. You need Running BRA, shorts, socks and shoes. Put a $20 in your shorts and HUGE HANDKERCHIEF in your shorts. Or paper tissues (when I cry a lot, paper hurts me though). Now, when you start feeling sad, don't let yourself cry too much in the house. Put on the clothes, take the handkerchieves and cry while walking or running. Go for it. Go and run. Outrun and pound into the pavement every little pain you have. The pavement is your enemy and needs to be punished for all the unhappiness you have! You don't need to look good and you don't need to have a good running style. Crying and running will make you short of oxygen and thus walk but keep on walking. Who cares where you going. Keep circling your block or go straight. You got money in your pocket.

I do that. I actually go and cry on the stepmaster in our building gym (it is always empty). If I get home and within an hour feel the overwhelming sadness again, I go and run again.

It might not help you, but it is the only thing I can offer. My practical advice. Go and cry on the move. Don't cry sitting. For some reason, this helps me dealing with psychological pain.