Vocabulary lesson

[profàvélo]

For all you newbies, here are some cycling expressions you might hear...and what they mean (courtesy of a woman in our bike club).

"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and I haven't missed a day since
the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than
you wash your underwear. My body fat percentage is lower than your
mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition"
Translation: I will attack you until you collapse into the gutter,
babbling and whimpering as if you'rve been watching Celebrity Poker.
I will win the town-line sprint even if I have to hook you into
oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first even if I have to grab
your seat post, spray an energy drink into your eyes or ask you how
to program my DVD player.

"I am on my beater bike today"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium
blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.
It weighs less than a popcorn fart and costs more than a divorce.

"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be
careful on the steeper sections or you'll fall over----backwards. Oh,
you have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great honey"
Translation: Yo, lardo, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is
what you get for spendng the winter watching football and gobbling
sausages. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 when I had the chance.

"This is a no drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing. It's for the
search-and-rescue dogs.

"It's not that far"
Translation: Yes, it is.

[Dogmama]

Rolling On Floor Laughing....

[massbikebabe]

Made my freakin day!!!


karen
roflmao

[CorsairMac]

Those are Hilarious!! especially coz that is the Perfect explanation of my 1 and only attempt to ride with a local bike club!!!

Thanks for making my day even MORE perfect!!!

[bikerz]

Those are so hilarious!!

[jobob]

These are excellent !

There's also my personal fave:

"Aw, come on, it'll be fun"
Translation: Assuming you survive.

[snapdragen]

My fav: "It weighs less than a popcorn fart and costs more than a divorce."

Popcorn fart just makes me giggle.....

[nuthatch]

I've read this before but it makes me choke with laughter every time!

[caligurl]

my husband SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO got into trouble the first time i read this (i.e. "you're doing great, honey")

[cindysue]

oh geez, how many of us are guilty of some of these.... (raising hand)

[Pax]

Too funny!

[slinkedog]

Yes, this one always makes me laugh. And I *really am* out of shape. And i mean it.

[Geonz]

Here, we've got:

"Nobody will be dropped."
Translation: Have an article of clothing handy for the search dogs to sniff.

Solution to perennial problem of "social" rides meaning different things to different people: find out who else has the same complaint (generally by persisting in going on rides) and ride with them. Before **too** long, that ride will get to be known as "the one where they really don't drop you." Usually, anyway....

[mtkitchn]

Those are great! Thanks, I need to know this stuff since I'm a newbie...LOL!

[Trekn Teresa]

Wow, wonderful (laughing)
Oh my gosh- these are great!
Thanks for sharing!
I've sure enjoyed them!