Dear So and So

[Crankin]

Dear Clueless Woman at the Day Spa:
I know you are so involved with your precious children that you couldn't have possibly read the sign that says "no cell phones" in the manicure/pedicure room. I was having a relaxing foot massage in preparation for my son's wedding, when you appeared, nosily interjecting yourself into the conversation between myself and the woman who does my nails, as we discussed cycling.
Why does your kid and other various relatives have to call you five times in a half hour? And laughing at it, stating "Oh, I thought I turned it off," wasn't funny. I felt bad for the woman doing your nails, who was too wimpy to say something to you.
Thanks. You ruined what is usually a pleasant experience that I don't do very often.

[Biciclista]

Dear Mother
you absolutely drive me crazy.
I call you on the phone to be friendly and you scold me because
MY son (who is 31 years old) hasn't written back to your request for a housesitter?
and when I explained to you that I had already explained to you in an email
why he has not answered you (which HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA - he doesn't live with me OR tell me why he doesn't answer emails!!!)

you told me I DID NOT.... Now just because YOU haven't checked YOUR email does not give you the right of accusing ME of not responding.

then you write me another email calling me rude and Beyitchy for being abrupt in trying to escape the tonguelashing....

Unfortunately, half the time, this is how our conversations go. I cannot get along with my own mother. SIGH....

[Tuckervill]

I feel your pain, Mimi.

Karen

[Owlie]

Dear BF:
Sometimes, it is very difficult to say goodnight and put the phone down. I miss you.

Dear labs:
Would one of you like to hire me? I have prior lab experience. This is something I want to do. Please read my resume. (And do it sooner rather than later, please. I have rent that needs to be paid...)

[crazycanuck]

Dear nice bike company,

Where is my bike? I know it's been sent but umm...where is it?

[Blueberry]

Dear Mother:

I do not appreciate starting my day by having you whine at me during the entire 45 minute drive to work. I do not like to start my day on a down note. Since it's the only time you have to "talk" (since ever other time I try to call you you hang up on me for a "more important" phone call), I try to accommodate you. But I might start turning off my cell phone in the mornings.

The damsel in distress act doesn't work anymore. You are nearly 60. You are college educated. You have had someone pay off your mountain of credit card debt for you. Twice. I'm sorry you're there again, but it's not my problem and I'm pretty sure no one is going to bail you out this time. I'm sorry that typing is *so* hard and that you're going to have to pay someone to do it for you, but I'm not volunteering my little free time. I'm also sorry that you're going to have to find a "moronic five year old" to help you with your computer. I've tried to help you for hours and hours. If you would have listened, instead of telling me how to live my live, we might have made more progress.

If you're going to run a business, you can't rely on the free help of friends and family for years and years. 7 years is long enough. You should be able to answer a question of what sales volume it would take to make your business profitable instead of whining about a (pretty good) review someone wrote about you 2 years ago - which is now the "sole reason" your business is failing. Asking me for ideas for how to make it work is probably not the best idea after I gave you lots of ideas that you ignored because "you didn't know how to implement them" and "figuring out shipping rates was too hard."

I'm sorry that it's *so* hard to commute 45 minutes and work an 8 hour day. That's what I've been doing for - oh - about 7 years. You should count yourself lucky that you have a day job instead of complaining about the time, your 30 minute lunch that "just isn't long enough" and that "your life is over" because you have to work. Considering quitting the day job and going back to said business is probably not a good idea. But hey - it's your life.

Grow up,

Your daughter who is going to quit being the mom

Dear Grandma:

I love you, but I really need for you to stop facilitating the above behavior. I could also do without the lectures about how my mom just "needs to talk" and "I should let her" because her life is "so hard" and you "feel sorry for her." I wonder if this could be part of the problem?

Your granddaughter who still loves you, but wishes you would stay out of certain relationships

[Biciclista]

Dear Mother:

Dear Blueberry
Maybe I can hook your mother up with my mother. My mother tries to fix her own computer sometimes with disastrous results. Sometimes maybe not. Who knows?!

What's up with mothers anyway? I mean, I AM one.

sigh...

CC, I hope your bike comes soon. it's been a LONG LONG LONG time coming.