Would you accept a monetary gift from a friend?

[Zen]

She can be my friend.

[SheFly]

I agree with the others. You have a great friend, and that is worth more than anything. As Thorn said, you can pay it forward later, when your finances are in a different place.

Go and enjoy.

SheFly

[nsandz]

I agree with the others. You have a great friend, and that is worth more than anything. As Thorn said, you can pay it forward later, when your finances are in a different place.

Go and enjoy.

SheFly

I feel the same!

[lph]

I agree with the others, (though I'd probably struggle with feeling uncomfortable too) but remember as Thorn said - she's not really giving you cash or a monetary gift, she's giving you the gift of being there and sharing this trip, because it will make her happy as well. You will be giving her the pleasure of your being there, so she benefits too.

I am sure she would like nothing more than for you to accept graciously. You can always consider paying her back with a gift of your time spent on a shared activity, rather than in money.

[artifactos]

Others have said most of what I have to say regarding acceptance or not.

You could make a scrapbook of the trip (and perhaps prior years) or a handmade gift personalized for her as a lasting thank-you!

[ny biker]

My $.02 is...it depends on the friend.

I used to have a good friend whose family had plenty of cash. He liked to buy things for his friends. He always insisted on picking up the check at restaurants. One day he showed up at my door with an air conditioner, because I didn't have one (never had one in my life until that day). He'd been at an estate sale and saw it and thought I could use it.

He once offered to lend me $100,000 to buy a condo. (I did not accept.)

Some years later, after we were no longer friends, I heard he bought a car for another friend because he felt her car was not safe.

He also enjoyed micromanaging the lives of the people around him. He got angry if he gave us advice and didn't accept it without question. Oh, and once he told me that his parents didn't like any of his friends because they thought we only liked him for his money. Which wasn't true, but I could certainly understand why his parents might have that concern. (Then again, it doesn't say much about what his parents thought about their own son if they didn't think anyone could like him for himself.)

Now, that's just my experience with one person. If a friend is offering money for you to join her on a trip because she truly wants your company and there are no strings attached -- explicity, passive-aggressively or otherwise -- then by all means go and enjoy each others' company. But if you think you might wind up paying for your trip in some other way, either now or in the future, then I'd think twice before accepting.

[moderncyclista]

She can be my friend.

She also, is welcome to be mine. LOL.

I don't think there is anything wrong with friends helping friends out. My mother ran into a tough spot and her neighbor gave her $200 bucks. Said she didn't have to pay it back if she didn't want to. My mother who is in her 60's scrimped and saved (it took her 8 whole months) but she paid her back. She understood she didn't have to, but she wanted to. The kindness was invaluable to my mother though. Enjoy the kindness of others. If you have an opportunity to pay it back, do so. If you ever have the opportunity to pass on kindness in other forms - do so also. You are blessed to have good friends.

[shootingstar]

If she truly does have the funds (Some people are impulsive, they really are but cannot afford such 'giving' of money long-term.), accept the gift.

But go to the get-together with some food/dessert that you have made to share with others. Or other stuff that you can make in advance to share with others. Get DD involved to help out too.

or burn DVDs of digital photos for everyone.. that records the event.

I no longer assume that everyone is "rich" /has alot of funds their whole lifetime. Not anymore. Too much evidence, otherwise.

[uforgot]

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't think that giving or lending money with friends or family works very well. $400 is a lot and if you are uncomfortable with it, then don't. Even though it isn't anyone's intent right now, you are asking for trouble in the future. And can you comfortably accept the cash/trip and not feel like you owe them from now until forever? Not worth it.

[PamNY]

Limewave, I think it's fine to let your friend help you if you are fairly certain she can comfortably afford it.

I've both given and accepted help in my life, and it's generally a good thing. Pay it forward is good advice -- and I'm sure you already thought of that.

[salsabike]

Depends on the kind of friendship. If close, I would, since we would both know I'd return the favor, AND close friends really like to help when they see someone they love struggling. Letting someone give is good too.

[colby]

Depends on the kind of friendship. If close, I would, since we would both know I'd return the favor, AND close friends really like to help when they see someone they love struggling. Letting someone give is good too.

I'm with salsa. I have a couple of friends that I would do this for, and some I would just say "we'll miss you" for. I have friends that might offer this to me and I'd know it would come with strings attached that I couldn't bear, and others that I know would give selflessly (or somewhere inbetween ).

A guy at work was snowed in and unable to drive to see his baby girl's first Christmas with his wife and parents, and couldn't afford the plane ticket. I paid for it. It meant a lot to me to be able to give to him the gift of seeing his daughter. I didn't really give him the option to turn me down, though. I know he might not have the means do the same for me, but sometimes you need to stick your neck out and hope that they will pay it forward in kind, somehow.

It sounds like (and knowing you from your history here) your friend trusts that you will.

[shootingstar]

You are making the best decision for yourself limewave. Don't worry about it thereafter.

When things get better, the time will occur to have some fun.

If it was for food or shelter, it could be abit different.

[ClockworkOrange]

Twice this has happened to me.

When my best friend died she left me £250 (12 years ago). Could not refuse that one plus she wanted me to use it for a holiday, which I did.

Two years later, another friend wanted me to go on holiday with her and nothing to pay apart from spending money. My friend had been left some money from Eva Hart, at the time was one of the sole survivors from the Titanic, who I also knew, a really lovely lady.

I accepted and we both had fabulous time in Mykonos, Greece. We have been friends for over 40 years and despite no longer live near each other, chat weekly.

I guess it is nice to have good friends.

Clock

[bmccasland]

I would, but it would depend on the circumstances. I have certainly had the gift of time from friends - helping me move to a new town 100+ miles away - they packed me into my rental van, drove me to my new home, unpacked me, then drove back to their homes. I couldn't afford to pay their gas for the round trip, or buy them lunch, but they did it anyway. And in that same low economic period, when we'd go out to dinner (it was a large group thing), I'd be eating the "soup & salad special" or something equally low priced, because it was all I could afford, a steak dinner would show up for me. No-one would fess up to knowing who paid for the steak, but those were some of the best tasting steaks I've ever eaten.