Going out with the gals

[PamNY]

First, disclaimer: I truly am not anti-female. I'm just stating what happens when I socialize with groups of women.

I don't relate much to the fashion and dressing-up part of this discussion because the oppression that I feel can happen with any group of women. It wouldn't matter what the group norms were -- some woman would be trying to force them on me, and that would be the problem. It could be Manolo Blahnik or it could be Pearl Izumi -- the effect on me would be the same.

With many women, I feel like the rule is "look like me and be like me to validate me" and even more annoying, they seem to assume that I need the same validation.

I could be perfectly happy getting dressed up and going out with a group of women if they paid attention to me as a distinct individual and responded well if I did the same for them. Some of my closest friends have been girly girls -- but they know that I'm not, and that is fine.

There's also the "you're not fat" conversation. When my SO wanted to lose weight, I noticed that in discussions with other males this was simply a problem to be solved. If I said the same thing to a group of women, there would be a chorus of voices seeking to reassure me that I'm okay -- "you're not fat!" The same logic applies to other issues -- if I want to paint a wall or retile a bathroom, there's a rush to assure me that "it looks okay! don't worry about it!" I hate this kind of thing: if you are my friend, you know what's important to me and you support my efforts to get/do what I want.