Going out with the gals

[Tuckervill]

I tried to hide behind a magazine, but she came up to me and started in, asking if I knew that "*her son* was married, her daughter was getting her Master's at Julliard?" I squelched the strong urge to reply that my son was off interrogating Iraquis and the other one actually was happy with his B.A. and wasn't in grad school.

I don't understand why you would take it as a competitive challenge that she tells you about the success of her children. She's just catching up with you, on the most general topics she can think of. Rather than show that you are satisfied and content with what your children are doing, you chose not to share anything. That makes me think that you think your children can't compare to hers, and that's just buying into the BS that you hate so much.

If you really don't want to participate in the Successful Child Olympics, just express your happiness for her happiness, and let it go. It's not a challenge or a threat to me when other people are successful. If they feel they've won something over on me because my kids don't "measure up" in their eyes, that's their problem, not mine.

Karen

[Tuckervill]

Back on topic, I don't have a large group of women friends, but I'd love to have one. My closest friends live in other cities, so when we get together it's usually with the whole family, or if it's just me doing the traveling, sitting in the kitchen having tea. I don't have anyone my age to ride with or hang out with nearby. Not that age is so important, but it does follow with a "stage of life" and it helps to be friends with someone you can relate to in similar circumstances. Helps to coordinate schedules, too. I just haven't found the right group of friends nearby, yet.

I have trouble with large groups of middle-aged women in skanky shirts dressed to the nines and being loud and getting drunk in public, too. It just seems so out of control, and at that age there is a whole lot more to lose when things get like they did when I was younger. I'll bet they wouldn't act that way in front of their kids or their mama, so why would they do it in public?

Karen

[snowroo]

Karen

Thanks for that. I'm sometimes like a bull in a china shop in conversations. I get excited and happy over little things really quickly. So I love to share things that make me happy. Which might include my kids or my dh's successes. Or my own. When I share, I want to share the "happy". I'm not comparing or making any comment on the other person. Read it at face value.

I find it hard to be sensitive that another person is not in a place to be able to join in my happy. Means I have to squish my happy. This makes me anxious that I for some reason have different social rules and for some reason it's not ok to be rejoicing in lifes little joys. I just want to share the feeling.

For this reason, I tend to stick with a few close friends. I don't "get" the social rules of larger groups of women.

Very gently, crankin, your interogation comment might be difficult to hear from our community members who are connected to the military.