More Facebook Etiquette Questions

[shootingstar]

Do you feel comfortable asking a family member of his if it's ok that you can simply tell others he knew, that he died?

Or maybe if there was an obituary notice somewhere, you could provide if asked, but not post immediately.

That would end all questions on the validity of his death. No need to give reason to others for cause of death unless it is a family member willing to say what the cause was.

I'm not on Facebook. But similar stuff has sorta happened in another forum. Alot of internet "friends" might ask reason for death but then for lots of people, life continues onward unless they've met the person.

Interesting question, since now there are so many virtual friends because of the Internet.

[TsPoet]

I've had several friends recently post eulogies on their facebook "wall".
"Dear Bill, I remember when...
you will be missed"

I wonder if you could do that - only your friends who know who Bill is would recognize exactly who you were talking about and it's a nice heart-felt way to express the information?
It could, also be an invasion of his family's privacy, but at least it'll be a nice one.

[Miranda]

+1 on when in doubt, ask those that matter the most in the situation...

You could simply ask the family in giving your condolences that is there anything they would like you to do in helping notify anyone of his death? And what should you share regarding the death? Their answer lies your answer of what to do. And sorry to hear about your friends death.

[MartianDestiny]

I've had several friends recently post eulogies on their facebook "wall".
"Dear Bill, I remember when...
you will be missed"

I wonder if you could do that - only your friends who know who Bill is would recognize exactly who you were talking about and it's a nice heart-felt way to express the information?
It could, also be an invasion of his family's privacy, but at least it'll be a nice one.

I've been on the receiving end of this (on a forum, not facebook, but same thing) and I'll just say it's a REALLY REALLY SUCKY way to find out someone you knew and cared about IRL (and in the present, not a past acquaintance) has passed on.

You're alone, there's no feedback/other person that even a phone call would replicate somewhat, and it's so horribly impersonal. After it sinks in you start wondering why you weren't called before it was announced to the world, why the news wasn't eased on you in a more personal manner, it's somewhat like adding insult to injury.

On the other hand I've stumbled on the memorial pages of highschool classmates that I may or may not have met and have no problems with that (but I hope all the relevant people were contacted before those pages went up). My guess is the stronger and more recent the relationship the more important it is that there's some sort of individualized notification rather than a facebook wall post.

Liza, if they knew him well (and reasonably recently) my advice is, if you are going to tell them at all, and must do it on facebook, make it a personal communication, maybe even leave a number they can reach you at (if you are comfortable with that and they don't already know it). Or better yet call them, or tactfully make sure someone else has.

[Biciclista]

it's a matter of public record when someone dies. If you are casual friends with these people, and they were friends of his 10 years ago, I'm sure they'd like to know (send them a private message)
I would feel really bad if someone I knew died and no one told me!

[Zen]

I vote with Mimi

[PamNY]

First, I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. It's not unusual to be uncertain of the right thing to do in these situations, and I think it's wonderful that you care. Mimi's advice sounds good to me.

[Tuckervill]

If you think they don't already know through other ways and you are the only connection for them to know, you should CALL them and find out if they heard the news. If they had heard the news, then you can comfort each other. If they had not, you can tell them what you know, including the cause of death, and then comfort each other.

I'm sorry you lost your friend.

Karen