(((((Rollie)))))

Honestly? It sounds to me like a crisis of self-esteem, not anything that really has to do with the bike. Unless I'm missing something, that there's something else you do love, that keeps you active, that doesn't make you feel the way you're feeling on the bike right now. In which case, maybe just do that other thing, and don't worry about the bike for now (but yeah, don't sell it).

So... I'm not trying to suggest it's easy, but I'd start by working on learning to love the person riding the bike, not worrying so much about the bike.

Maybe, also, you need to find different people to ride with. It's true, everyone has an innate potential, and even at a "weekend warrior" level far removed from that potential, everyone's going to get stronger at a different rate. But there are LOTS of groups of cyclists that ride at LOTS of different paces. The very fact that you say you're getting "dropped" implies that you're riding with people who are dropping you. There are no-drop groups and clubs, "D" level group rides for people who just want to be out in the fresh air and smell the roses, or maybe you can hook up with one or two people who want to ride your same pace. Or you might find that you enjoy riding by yourself.

Years ago when I was racing, yeah, it WAS really frustrating to get beat by the same woman week after week after week. Twenty years later - having burned out on cycling and come back to it - I've started doing a little running as well, only to find out that that SAME woman is way faster and stronger than I am on the road as well as on the bike. (Never mind she'd been a runner even before she took up cycling.) But here's the difference - I don't care. I know better than to try and compete with her. I'm doing it for ME.

If you really want to improve specifics, what have you been doing? The best way to get faster is intervals - have you been doing those? Even if you have no intention of racing, if you want to get faster, you want to do the same type of workouts that racers do to improve their speed. As far as handling skills, have you taken a skills course? And if so, there's no shame in taking it again. I'm really not familiar with that whole world on bicycles, but lots of people take a motorcycle handling class every couple of years just to brush up on their skills.

But again - what I'm hearing from you is that it really isn't about the specifics. Self-esteem is a tough journey and I wish you strength and sureness on that road.