Guest's unfinished food-do you ask?

[shootingstar]

I think Bleecker's reply is insightful. Nothing annoys me more than listening to people blather on about their digestive issues or their dislikes during a meal. I think a guest who behaves with discretion is a treasure -- to me that's far more important than whether someone eats my food.

Are these people you entertain regularly? If so, I'd ask (discreetly and privately) about the matter if a similar incident occurs. Otherwise, I would say nothing and forget about it.

We've eaten at each other's homes several times over the years and together at restaurants. Not that I make an attempt to memorize people's specific food avoidances in great detail. Who would,...unless it's your own parents, in-laws, your own childen/grandchildren? I draw the line..in terms of trying to remember people's food avoidances in great detail.

My mistake might have been just serving and dividing the food on everyone's plates in similar amounts. I should have asked before serving.

I agree PamNY, it's tiring to hear about someone's list of food dislikes at the dinner table....his 31-yr. old daughter does this. It's gotten to a point for special dinners where I tell him, my partner, he should at least have 1-2 dishes she likes and the rest it's up to her to have it served to her or not. He cooks at least half or more of the menu since he wants to give his "gift" to his daughter. A natural thing for any reasonable parent.

Believe me, her food dislike list is long, annoying..which includes alot of vegetables that we both like/have often. In such situations, I let him determine most of the menu which he enjoys doing anyway. Why frustrate myself?

Compare this against my mother...who only sees me ..maybe once or every 2-3 years since I live in another province. She just goes ahead and prepares whatever she thinks is healthy and tastes good to her, not to me. It's up to me to eat it if I want it. And I do because it genuinely is healthy cuisine, even though certain dishes are slightly boring..because she had reduced on salt (which is good), alot less spices than I would use. Ok, I'm eating out of guilt ..but it's healthy food, thank goodness.

[Cataboo]

I was always taught that it was polite to eat everything given to me if I was a guest in someone's house, even if I have to choke it down and clamp my hand over my mouth not to vomit.

And so basically I do If I'm allowed to serve myself, I will just take a taste of something I know I don't like - if they ask before serving, I'll just ask for a little bit to taste.

But then I don't really have any strong feelings about food (vegetarian, religious) or allergies.

If I have guests, I usually try to clear the menu with them before hand "I'm thinking of making this, would that be okay?" - and I let people serve themselves so that I don't give someone too much of something they don't like or more than they want to eat. If I'm making a salad and someone says they don't like something, I'll cut up that vegetable and just put it on the side instead of mixing it into the entire salad.

[Laterider21958]

Can understand your desire to serve a meal your guests will enjoy, however I find it a bit difficult to devise a menu which pleases everybody. The last "big" family dinner was 18 people for my husband's 60th. One guest I knew had some dietary limitations, so I asked what she couldn't eat. I got this long list. (Should have asked what could be eaten.) Tried my very best to have a variety available and served buffet style. At least they could pick more of what they liked and leave the stuff they detested or couldn't eat. It was a lot of work and I wouldn't every tackle something like that again.

Me...I'm just happy if somebody else wants to do the cooking and all I have to do is wait for it to be served.

PS My kids came home with girlfriend and boyfriend who didn't like tomato, capsicum or onion. I didn't know this until I'd launched into my signature pasta dish which consisted of canned tomato soup base with both of the other ingredients and sprinkled with parmesan cheese. It was served, but instead of chunky identifiable pieces in the sauce I got out the Barmix and blended the sauce to mush. They ate it and had seconds. If you can't see it it's not there!

[sfa]

I'd never ask someone *after* a meal if they didn't like something that they left behind, but I will ask when inviting them if they have any dietary restrictions, allergies, or anything in particular that they don't like. FWIW, though, if someone asked me the same I'd tell them that I avoid shellfish (makes me gag, then serious digestive issues--not a real allergy, but definitely an intolerance) but wouldn't mention any non-main-dishy things (that is, I also can't stand mushrooms, but it's rare that a meal is based on mushrooms, so I've just gotten adept at picking them out). As a fairly picky eater myself, I have a great deal of sympathy for guests who are served a food that they don't like and are then faced with gagging it down or just leaving it behind. I wouldn't dream of being insulted if someone left a food behind. So they didn't like it. No big deal. I also tend to serve meals to guests family style so that they can serve themselves as much or as little as they like of a food, or do some careful editing of a meal to make sure not to pull out too many of whatever it is they might not like.

The only exception I'd make would be if someone was a house guest and I'd have to keep feeding them for several more meals--in that case, to be a good host, I'd want to avoid a food they might not have liked again. After one meal at a person's house, the guest can go home and gorge on anything they like. But a houseguest might get hungry if they don't like peppers and I served stir fried peppers with dinner, peppers in the morning omlette, and steak sandwiches with fried peppers for lunch.

Sarah

[Cataboo]

I do ask how spicy people like food before hand - I like a lot of spice, I like salt. Lots of people's digestive track can't handle that. And when in doubt, I just go very lightly on all spicy.

[Biciclista]

I might ask too, but I try to ask before the meal is served what sorts of things the person will or won't eat.
I don't like Asparagus, but if it's served to me, I just pile it on my husband's plate because he loves it and will eat a double portion.

[OakLeaf]

That's something I hadn't thought about - a one-dish meal makes it impossible for a guest to pick and choose. Cooking is so much easier when protein, vegetables and carbs are all part of the same big lump in my dish and that's how I almost always do it when it's just DH and myself.

We don't entertain often, but when we do, it's usually a casual meal same sort of thing. Spanakopita and falafel are two of my favorite "company" meals. I guess with falafel, they could at least assemble their own sandwich, or have the patty and toppings on a plate if they don't want any pita. (Had the neighbors over for falafel last night, nom nom. )

It's much easier to have two to four completely separate dishes when you're serving meat, I think. But something to think about.

[TsPoet]

This thread has been fascinating. Thanks for posting the question!
I'm not quite as polite - I usually announce what will be for dinner when I invite people - at least a category.
I'm very simple, though, when I invite people it'll be burgers and salad, or pizza ordered out (I do ask what toppings people want, then order whatever I want taking their desires under advisement), or meatloaf and potatoes... simple stuff.
I do like the separate dishes idea.

[bcipam]

Generally - if having guests over, I ask if there are any food issues before I plan and shop for the meal. Personally I have alot of food allergies myself - I have no problem telling someone I can't eat onion, garlic, salt etc. but it's always nice if they ask me first.

That said, if I am a guest in someone's house and find the food not to my liking, I just politely leave it and not say a word other than thank you for the lovely meal. I would not want to embarass or upset the cook about making something I can't eat.

Unless you and I were really close, I would hate for you to ask "why didn't you eat everything on your plate?" Just assume she had her reasons and let it go. Next time, ask before the meal is cooked are there any likes or dislikes. Or just let it go... it's not that big a deal... I have friends who are terribly cooks. I don't go to their house for the food, I go for the company. The food is secondary.