Guest's unfinished food-do you ask?

[shootingstar]

I only want to know in advance, if they have allergies, have significant problems digesting certain foods and if they are vegetarian. But then I usually have a dish (he isn't always around when I entertain my friends) that is suitable for vegetarians.

I actually don't like long catalogue lists of particular food dislikes from adult guests in advance. I just ask what they want when they are served food.

I will ask if people want the next certain dish and serve/not serve amounts accordingly.

And I rarely am asked in advance what my food preferences are. Partially because most people who know me, know I don't kick up a big fuss about food. I do try a broad range of food given to me....except they may know I can only have abit of wine for I get abit drunk..very fast. You're right, the dinner for guests is a gift..but a gift like any gift doesn't always please everyone every time.

NB. Despite her health consciousness, she stunned us by eating 2 huge bowls of melted bittersweet chocolate sauce with whipped creme over pears poached in honey and wine with spices.

[kermit]

I'm pretty open about the menu. I will let the guest know what is planned for dinner, for example, our good friend does not like seafood. Sometimes shrimp, but not fish or scallops. We just had them come down from Georgia and we asked, "what would you love to eat that you can't find at home"?. They will usually give us a rundown of what they like and don't like and we can work in what is seasonal down here and figure something out. We always do a cheese plate, some almonds, grapes, etc. The funny thing was he wound up loving our smoked fish dip!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Lots of people don't eat seafood and especially shellfish. It's best to ask.
If I'm cooking dinner for others, I always ask if people are vegetarians and if they have any foods they avoid eating.

[Librarygirl]

Maybe I'm really intolerant of people's fussiness, but I would be annoyed if I had a person over to dinner, made quite an effort (as it sounds like you did) to accommodate particular tastes and desires (ie healthy etc.) and they left behind large amounts of food for no good reason. It's one thing to not eat much and explain to the host/ess that you're just really not hungry or not feeling well, or to really not like one particular thing and leave it to the side, another thing entirely to leave most of the meal. Actually, I also think if a person REALLY doesn't like something, they should have the responsibility of letting the host know in advance

Some have said here to see the meal as a gift, well, I always express gratefulness for a gift and I think it comes across as quite ungrateful to not eat what is provided without at least explaining why. Would you just throw a gift that you were given, and didn't like, in the bin in front of the giver?

Sorry, a bit of a rant - I don't know why this gets me so much?

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

It might have nothing to do with her liking the food. Some people (like me) can get pretty painful indigestion from the skins of red and green peppers, tomatoes, and onions if more than a few little pieces are eaten together. Most foods don't give me a problem, but peppers i avoid particularly. Perhaps she didn't want to be rude and imply that the meal would give her indigestion, so maybe she just quietly ate the mussels and most of the pasta and didn't want to make a fuss about it or talk about her digestive issues. I doubt she wanted to be rude about throwing a gift in the garbage.

[PamNY]

I think Bleecker's reply is insightful. Nothing annoys me more than listening to people blather on about their digestive issues or their dislikes during a meal. I think a guest who behaves with discretion is a treasure -- to me that's far more important than whether someone eats my food.

Are these people you entertain regularly? If so, I'd ask (discreetly and privately) about the matter if a similar incident occurs. Otherwise, I would say nothing and forget about it.

[shootingstar]

I think Bleecker's reply is insightful. Nothing annoys me more than listening to people blather on about their digestive issues or their dislikes during a meal. I think a guest who behaves with discretion is a treasure -- to me that's far more important than whether someone eats my food.

Are these people you entertain regularly? If so, I'd ask (discreetly and privately) about the matter if a similar incident occurs. Otherwise, I would say nothing and forget about it.

We've eaten at each other's homes several times over the years and together at restaurants. Not that I make an attempt to memorize people's specific food avoidances in great detail. Who would,...unless it's your own parents, in-laws, your own childen/grandchildren? I draw the line..in terms of trying to remember people's food avoidances in great detail.

My mistake might have been just serving and dividing the food on everyone's plates in similar amounts. I should have asked before serving.

I agree PamNY, it's tiring to hear about someone's list of food dislikes at the dinner table....his 31-yr. old daughter does this. It's gotten to a point for special dinners where I tell him, my partner, he should at least have 1-2 dishes she likes and the rest it's up to her to have it served to her or not. He cooks at least half or more of the menu since he wants to give his "gift" to his daughter. A natural thing for any reasonable parent.

Believe me, her food dislike list is long, annoying..which includes alot of vegetables that we both like/have often. In such situations, I let him determine most of the menu which he enjoys doing anyway. Why frustrate myself?

Compare this against my mother...who only sees me ..maybe once or every 2-3 years since I live in another province. She just goes ahead and prepares whatever she thinks is healthy and tastes good to her, not to me. It's up to me to eat it if I want it. And I do because it genuinely is healthy cuisine, even though certain dishes are slightly boring..because she had reduced on salt (which is good), alot less spices than I would use. Ok, I'm eating out of guilt ..but it's healthy food, thank goodness.