Aw, Yasmin... I've been in your shoes... and I know how it hurts. I'm one of those people who got married with all the hopes and dreams of what could be... and yet it fell apart. I didn't believe in divorce either. When my marriage began to crumble, the ex and I went to counseling for months... but the reality is BOTH people have to want the marriage to succeed. If either lacks the commitment to make it work, then unfortunately the healthiest thing to do is end the marriage. Believe me, that's no easy decision. I stayed in an unhealthy marriage longer than I should have, because, 1) I didn't want to "give up", 2) I didn't want to fail and 3) I was scared, really scared to be alone again. In the end, even the counselor said we were trying to do CPR on a dead marriage. My ex was no longer committed to the relationship and really wasn't willing to be bothered even trying to recapture what brought us together in the first place. My ex is not a surgeon, but his work got in the way too. It and his friends were higher priority than his relationship with me...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you've exhausted all resources for keeping it healthy, sometimes you have to make the healthiest choice for yourself not for the relationship.

I really hope you and your husband will be able to renew the marriage... hugs... gawd, I hurt for you too... hugs from me too...