Bicycle dates

[margo49]

My sentiments exactly
Plus we should all realise that unlike women in *some* cultures at least we *can* ride without suitable male escort and in activity-appropriate clothing

[Trek420]

doctorfrau "Exactly!! We are quite awesome on our own thank-you. A suitable male would make a nice addition, but he is certainly "optional equipment". "

Trek shuffles off and finds the lyrics to the Malvina Reynolds song “We Don’t Need The Men” (1958). The second verse goes:

We don’t need the men,

We don’t need the men.

We don’t need to have ‘em around,

Except for now and then.

They can come to see us when they’re

Feeling pleasant and agreeable.

Otherwise they can stay at home and

Holler at the T.V. programs.

We don’t care about them,

We can do without them,

They’ll look cute in a bathing suit

On a billboard in Madagascar.....

there's also a verse about their being handy to have around when you need to move the piano, but I think we can do that too.
just kidding to the guys lurking, you know we love ya'

[pkq]

OK ladies, there is a man at bikejournal looking for a good woman. Read The Joe Chronoicles - Chapter 2.

[SadieKate]

The world doesn't revolve around you, Professor Higgins!

-- Eliza Doolittle

OK, pdq, off to read Joe's thread.

Back, looks like he comes with a sense of humour, his own roadbike, a mowed lawn and best of all? He's big enough to provide a good draft. That was my #1 requirement in a husband, well, maybe not #1 but definitely on the list.

SK

[Trek420]

there's also a thread there about two bikejournal'ists who tied the knot

Trek-gracefully-steps-outa-the-way-of-the-rush-of-women-running-off-singing-wheeeere-the-boys-are-420

[CorsairMac]

there's also a verse about their being handy to have around when you need to move the piano, but I think we can do that too.

yuppers - Cmac moves her own piano. OTOH: it sure would be nice to have someone around when I'm trying to hang wallpaper borders!

[Yasmin]

I'm with a great guy, but we don't have much together time. Actually, our marriage is under threat & has been for a while. He has the job from hell & little time for anything or anyone else (including himself). He's a neurosurgeon & obviously you can't rest on your laurels with that kind of pressure. All n/surg spouses experience the same thing, but I'm finding it hard going & very lonely. I should say we've only been married 3 1/2 yrs...first marriage for both & together for 5 1/2 yrs. No kids on either side & no family support here. He's 53 & I'm 49. I don't know if it ever gets any easier. He bought a bike but fell off within the first week & received a 100% dislocation of his right acromio-clavicular joint (lumpy bit at end of collar bone). Too dangerous for him to try again. If my marriage ends I don't think I'll bother anymore. I find that guys don't accomodate very well, they always expect us to do the accommodating. This is my third long term attempt (1st & only marriage) & it's always been me upturning my world for the guy. So when it ends guess who has to start from scratch again?. I'm too old for all of this.
Disillusioned & sad. Y.

[Grog]

This is my third long term attempt (1st & only marriage) & it's always been me upturning my world for the guy. So when it ends guess who has to start from scratch again?. I'm too old for all of this.
Disillusioned & sad. Y.

Oh Yasmin this is such a sad message... It's okay to be a bit sad but don't be too disillusioned. I have nothing intelligent to say, but I do believe it's possible to find true, respectful, caring companionship, at any age. Whether your relationship with your husband works out somehow, or outside of it, I wish you the best.

Big hug.

[Yasmin]

Oh Yasmin this is such a sad message... It's okay to be a bit sad but don't be too disillusioned. I have nothing intelligent to say, but I do believe it's possible to find true, respectful, caring companionship, at any age. Whether your relationship with your husband works out somehow, or outside of it, I wish you the best.

Big hug.

Thanks for the hug. When I re read it I realsed it is quite sad. Sorry, didn't mean to whinge. I know there are many who are worse off than me eg violence. He's never like that, only neglectful. It could be worse.

[Trek420]

Neglect is still pretty bad. I'm so sorry you are haveing a hard time, the professions are so hard to balance your life. Is there a Doctor in the house? Are there ways to find a balance? And does he see it as an issue? That's so important that he buys into working on it I think...not that I know anything about relationships ;-)

And what Grog sed. I have to believe it's possible to find true, respectful, caring companionship, at any age, or re-kindle it..I better. :::skips off to make a note to self, might not want to date a doctor::::

What made you fall in love with him in the foist place? That still there?

[Irulan]

I know lots of medical professionals,and most of them do not have balance. It's a passion, a calling, a drive. I asked one ( a busy surgeon) about working less when he was complaining about the crazy hours... and the reply was that he didn't want to sacrifice any of the $$ to bringing another doc into the practice. So there are tradeoffs, I suppose. I know a few that only work 3/4/5 days a week but it's been a conscious choice to take control of their work and personal life.

(warning, major generalizations here)
I think as women we need to look at why we have a tendency to choose partners that aren't really available... whether they work too much, drink too much, play too much, afraid of intimacy or whatever. It's really hard to look at one self, and the part we play in our own choices, but if it's done sucessfully, looking at the roots of things within, it can be transformational in terms of getting what you really want out of life and relationships. Having a partner that is willing to look at thier half of the equation helps, though.

[tatormc]

Yasmin - I'm not really sure what to say but just don't give up. I've been married 4 years and it's not always easy. But my hubby is the perfect person for me and we have our hard times and work through them. I'm a person who does not believe in divorce and am very saddened that it happens so often. I will be praying for you and your husband.

[doc]

Yasmin,
The current theory that is generally accepted by the majority of marriage counselors is called Imago Therapy. I recommend the book by Harlin Hendricks, the inventor of imago. It's a little weird at first. But after you read the book, I suggest you try to find a therapist with imago training. You can find it online. It seems like your husband does not have time for weekly sessions. There is also something called imago weekends. You get intensive therapy over the course of 2 days. I have heard it is very good. I would imagine weekly therapy is better but I'm sure he gets a wekkend off once in a while!
It is a very positive approach to marriage issues. No bashing or badmouthing allowed. It hinges on improving communication and "getting the love you need" which I think is the title of the book.
Good luck.

[Trekhawk]

Yasmin - Im sending hugs your way.

COMMUNICATION is the key to all relationships. In a perfect world we would all get to spend as much time as we wanted with our partners and family but in the real world this is not always possible. Quality time not quantity is what is important and trust me I know. My husband is a pilot in the military and away a lot, last year he went to the gulf for six months which was hard not only on me but on our children. We maintained email contact when we could and voiced any feeling we were having. Sometimes your partner may not be aware that there is even a problem they get so caught up in the pressures of work and if you dont communicate well they assume if nothing is said everything is fine.

Anyway I know each relationship is different but try to sit your husband down and tell him how you are feeling. Discuss what you and he want out of the relationship and remember that no marriage or relationship is perfect it is something that takes a lot of work and nuturing (from both sides) if you want it to blossom.

Thinking of you.
Leslie

[bikerchick68]

Aw, Yasmin... I've been in your shoes... and I know how it hurts. I'm one of those people who got married with all the hopes and dreams of what could be... and yet it fell apart. I didn't believe in divorce either. When my marriage began to crumble, the ex and I went to counseling for months... but the reality is BOTH people have to want the marriage to succeed. If either lacks the commitment to make it work, then unfortunately the healthiest thing to do is end the marriage. Believe me, that's no easy decision. I stayed in an unhealthy marriage longer than I should have, because, 1) I didn't want to "give up", 2) I didn't want to fail and 3) I was scared, really scared to be alone again. In the end, even the counselor said we were trying to do CPR on a dead marriage. My ex was no longer committed to the relationship and really wasn't willing to be bothered even trying to recapture what brought us together in the first place. My ex is not a surgeon, but his work got in the way too. It and his friends were higher priority than his relationship with me...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you've exhausted all resources for keeping it healthy, sometimes you have to make the healthiest choice for yourself not for the relationship.

I really hope you and your husband will be able to renew the marriage... hugs... gawd, I hurt for you too... hugs from me too...