Help! My ex BF bought me Christmas gifts!

[tc1]

Give him a nonnegotiable realistic move by date. Advertise for a new roommate now to move in the day after his end date. Give him the last 4-6 weeks rent free, which will help him along. If you don't have pets to tend, and you can trust him not to rip you off, only come home to eat and sleep until he is gone.

[tctrek]

Definitely time for him to go. Don't feel bad, he's a big boy with a new Madone and I'm sure he'll be fine.

[Irulan]

only come home to eat and sleep until he is gone.

Now see, I don't agree with this. It's HER home first, maybe HE should be the one to only eat and sleep there? Who's in charge?If I felt so insecure/uncomfortable in my own home that I couldn't hang there, there would be something seriously wrong me if I didn't deal with it.

[tc1]

It is her place. But I have dealt with really clingy boys before, and unless one is willing to get really mean and nasty, they won't go away. And even being mean and nastiness can just play into their neediness. Best for the original poster to avoid engagement and just be gone.

[teigyr]

I've been on both sides. When I got divorced, I could have been perceived as being "clingy". I had so many regrets that I hadn't been a good enough person (and in some ways I hadn't been but then again he hadn't been either), that I could have fixed it somehow, and that things could have been different. The life that I had seen happening, didn't. I was fortunate in that my ex-husband was firm but really kind. He asked what I needed, he was there if I needed to talk or rant, but he was decisive in that it was over. I also bought him Christmas gifts...which he received graciously but it was still known that it was over.

I thank him for that. Had he given the gifts back, I would have felt worse. I was given the sense that he cared for me, that he had positive memories with the gifts, but it was still over.

I have been on the other side though and I wasn't quite as nice. Then again it was a short term relationship and he was really manipulative.

I wonder if there are mixed signals here. If it's over, then you move on (ie he moves out even if it's more convenient to have him there) because it isn't fair to him or you. *I* would have felt it wasn't quite "over" had that been me. I would thank him for the gifts sincerely. Those were NICE gifts. Be firm though in that he needs to move out. Be willing (maybe?) to help him find an apartment. These things were done for me and they made a really bad situation be not so bad in retrospect.

[bmccasland]

If he can scrap together the money to buy a Madone, he can pay rent. He needs to go. Set a date, Jan 15 sounds good. Tell him he has to find another place to live, another couch to sleep on, then have the landlord change the locks.

He's not going to move out under his own volition. Unfortunately you're going to have to force the issue. He'll try to linger as long as you'll let him. So you're going to have to be tough if you really want him out.

[arielmoon]

Thanks for the great advice everyone! I will post an update when I make some progress with this.

[arielmoon]

We had a talk last night and he is going to try to find something ASAP but I told him the end of the month was good enough.

I feel so drained from dealing with this!