The heartache of divorcing your bike shop

[kenyonchris]

I was married to the man that introduced me to cycling. I loved him terribly. When I look back on it now, I can see that he had his issues that made us pretty much doomed from the start, but that isn't the point, when I was IN it, I loved him with all my heart. And my cycling was tied to HIM. We didn't always ride together, but it was what we talked about and shared. It didn't work out for a variety of reasons, but our breakup was NOT what I wanted. It literally broke my heart. And I couldn't imagine riding without him. Every time I got on my bike I thought of him. It seemed lonely. No one to talk about, who knew where I was and what my goals and frustrations were and could be happy when I rode well and commiserate when I didn't. It was horrible. HORRIBLE. I didn't have many close friends that were just my friends, they were his, and I was included. So when we broke up, it just worked out that they stayed HIS friends (and it wasn't a nasty breakup or anything, it was very cordial, even friendly).

I had to pick myself up. It was, I must say. Dreadful. And it took a lot of willpower to just turn the pedals over. I literally did not know how to do it on my own. I got lucky. I recruited a few non-cycling friends into cycling with me. Since they were beginners, it forced me into taking baby steps, short rides instead of the long training rides...easy MTB trails instead of the expert loops I had done with him. There were few hallmark rides, so I didn't have to lament having no one to share them with, instead I took pleasure in watching the new riders get fitter, faster, stronger. And along with them, I got better.

I got a new bike. Two actually. I sold the ones I had purchased with him and filled my time building it and making it MINE. And, after a while, cycling became mine again. It took time, but it happened.

And now I have a wonderful man in my life. He rides, and it is different still. Things change. Nothing stays bad forever. Just keep turning the pedals over. Change your music (if you use it, with the obvious caution), change your helmet, change your streamers, change your bike, to whatever extent you need to make it YOURS not OURS in your head. It helped for me.

In the meantime, you have friends here.

[tprevost]

((((tj)))) my heart goes out to you, I'm sorry to hear this but you will get through it... there are lots of great words of wisdom here, keep peddling.

[Trek420]

(((tj)))) listen to

.... after a while, cycling became mine again. It took time, but it happened.

keep pedaling. And oh, by the way if my Ex-DPITA who got me back into riding is lurking here ..... brphhhhphttttt She picked a fine time to leave me (while my Dad was dying) but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do I suppose.

My oh my I'm much happier now than I was then and I've got a much better ..... bike on my arm than she has now.

Yes, that's it. I've got a better bike

Living well is the best revenge. Ride baby ride.

[Zen]

She picked a fine time to leave me

Her name wasn't Lucille, was it?

[spindizzy]

Her name wasn't Lucille, was it?

Here I am feeling very sad for TJ and Zen pops a zinger! Guffaw!!!!

TJ, listen, maybe print Kenyon's (and those before her) wise words, she's been there.

((((TJ))))

[Trek420]

Her name wasn't Lucille, was it?

Remind me not to read Zen anything while drinking tea. It's good I have that plastic thingy over the keyboard that KnottedYet gave me specifically for Zen posts.

I think I can clean the screen.

No, not Lucile and I kept the bike shop.

[Zen]

I figured it was a good time for a chuckle

[Trek420]

or a round of beers .... or chocolate.

[KnottedYet]

Chocolate, beers, and hugs for (((((TrekJeni)))))

[shootingstar]

Reflecting on TrekiJeni & kenyonchris where their love of their life, at that time, was tied from beginning and into relationship to cycling.

Cycling is tied with dearie from nearly the start of our relationship (let's see, nearly 18 yrs. ago) and infuses our lifestyle. The wonderful thing is discovering more good surprises each year that have absolutely nothing to do with cycling.

As for the difficulty of cycling without loved one...when he and I lived apart for 2.5 years since his company forced him to relocate to Calgary and I stayed in Toronto for career reasons: I found myself avoiding 1-2 bike particular routes. And instead cycled routes that avoided passing by his former home in Toronto.While I already did some solo cycling when he lived in the same city, it was the painful knowledge at the beginning of our long distance relationship, he wasn't immediately around in the same city.

So I rode solo for 2.5 years except for the times we visited each other in each city.

thankfully we phoned each other longd distance each evening to share the day's stuff. Always a pleasure...even now for the times he has gone solo touring in the past few years in Europe or across North America.

I do recommend every woman cyclist to become strong and learn to cycle also alone happily...those times will happen ..or forever, one day for those of us who do have cycling loved-partners.

Don't mean to be negative, but to treasure those rides together --now. And not fight/argue on the road much.

[indysteel]

I'm so sorry TJ. I have known similar heartache, so my heart goes out to you right now. It does get easier; I promise.

[Atlas]

(TJ) I'm in tears just reading this and thinking about my shop. Everyone has stellar advice and I can't think of anything to add. But you are a strong woman (we all are) and you'll get through this.

[tribogota]

ENTER NEW LIFE PARTNER! ready......TRIATHLON, ta daaa, you keep cycling, you learn to swim and run, it takes up a lot of time, you can grieve and move at the same time, what could be better.

I am very sorry about the break up. It is sooooo hard to lose something we love.

[featuretile]

I can feel how sad you must be. I was divorced and it was an awful time. But, now I am married to a much better guy. Things will eventually change. I would suggest that you join a local cycling club so that you don't ride alone and feel miserable. Make some new friends and don't stop riding!