Personal clutter demons (long)

[Trek420]

Happy to save a tree

[malkin]

I wonder how I missed this; it's the story of my life!


I was watching some mystery/crime show recently and the perp had stashed some evidence in a duct behind a vent. I made me wonder if I could keep anything there. Every other place is full!

The best thing has been to find a local charity shop that:
1. takes donations 7 days a week
2. is an easy walk or bike ride.

We can load up a basket and drop it off before I start pulling stuff out and back into the closet.

Also best if I don't fill the basket up at the shop before returning home!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

If you can hide your clutter in the closets or in the attic, you don't really have a clutter problem.
If you can put all your disorganized papers into a big box or a filing cabinet, you don't have real clutter problem.
If you can get rid of your clutter by putting it on Ebay or carting it off in the trunk of your car, you don't have a real problem.
I grew up where there were only 1 foot wide trails that you could pick your way through the rooms on...everything besides that was piled halfway up to the ceiling. God help you if those 6 foot tall stacks of NY Times fell over on you. Clean clothes?...what a joke- go pick the least dirty thing from that five foot tall mound of dirty clothes in the middle of the room and wear it. Where's that big spaghetti pot? Oh yeah, it's still got last year's thanksgiving turkey stew in it and it's somewhere under that shapeless mound in the corner over there where I 'think' the radiator is...and I think I remember the old green recliner chair is under there somewhere too. Want to pull up the shade and open the window for a little daylight and fresh air?...sorry, can't get anywhere near it. Plus, you're not allowed to touch the window shade because it will disintegrate if you move it, like the one in the bedroom did a few years ago. Only we can't get into the bedroom anymore so we stopped worrying about the shade in there letting the daylight in. And don't get me started on what kind of 'food' we kids had to eat.
This is how I grew up, and it was pretty oppressive. My mother, whom I loved very much, had a little issue or two.

The idea of trying to deal with clutter by Ebaying or Craigslisting one's way out of it only works for people who don't have a really serious hoarding/clutter problem. Self help books with 'organization systems' won't work either. They cannot 'get organized', they cannot let go, they cannot face it or solve it no matter how many books they read or pep talks they get from well meaning friends.
It reaches a point where it just becomes beyond self help. At that point only real physical intervention by caring and efficient people can help, best accompanied by therapy and support. Not support to make the hoarder 'better organized'...but merely to reassure and comfort them while the traumatic intervention is happening...while they are losing so much of what they feel they simply cannot live without.
There are many levels of having a 'clutter problem'. I'm not really sure what level the original poster is experiencing, but I do know that it can become progressively worse year by year. It can become a real sickness, the seriousness and hopelessness of which many of us more normal people simply cannot comprehend.

[Tuckervill]

Oh Lisa, that's just terrible.

Yesterday, I decided to "declutter" some stuff I had put in the garage for the garage sale that never happened. I was fed up, and it requires a permit to hold a garage sale and of course on Saturday city offices are closed. I just decided to give it all away.

I made a sign that said "Free! Christmas Shopping" and put it by the main street. Then I spread out two tarps and put everything I could find to part with out on those tarps by the wheelbarrow load. It took a good 2 hours before I got the first customer, and boy was he enthusiastic! He went home and got his wife, and I kept going in and out of the out buildings and finding more stuff that didn't need to be sold.

Eventually, I noticed that several people were sitting in their cars WAITING for me to come out with the next load. I could barely get it through the gate before they were on me. It was incredible. I left the stuff out there all night, and only about 10% of 20 loads was still there (some of the stuff that went early was lots of furniture, most of it broken!).

Two realizations:

• Some of these people had to be hoarders.
• None of them took the home organization books that I had collected in frustration over the years.

I feel so free!

Karen

[shootingstar]

Ongoing challenge for some of us, including moi.

We actually have a large Salvation Army bin within our building..permanently. I think people do drop things down there. Since we live in a high rise building, some people are too lazy to go to the dump offloading some small furniture. Some of it looks decent.

But no we don't need it. In all honesty, I'm not an antique nor consignment nor used furniture person. Except stuff from family. I only value antiques/old for items that genuinely having family/friendship meaning attached to it. The only used thing I ever bought from a non-family member, was a nearly new Braun immersion blender. A real bargain that we needed to replace a well-used one.

I probably sound like a snob...but after growing up in a poor family, I got really tired of stuff looking old/used and siblings got tired of getting hand-me-down clothing from older sibs (like me ). I just live and use my/our own stuff ..for decades.

I mean keeping and using clothing for decades. At least 30% of my clothing is at least 10 yrs. old or older. I keep the stuff in good shape (and myself hopefully, to fit the stuff!). When I used to sew alot, I did completely makeover some clothing into a totally different garment.

But admittedly some clothing needs to be whittled down again.

[Dogmama]

My DH keeps all kinds of weird stuff. You know the plastic containers that tennis balls come in? We have a bunch. The garage is his domain and it's cluttered beyond belief. I told him yesterday that with the first of the year, we're doing a MAJOR de-clutter. I think I heard him whimper. He isn't one of those people on that show Hoarders (I can't even watch that show, I'm always afraid they'll find a dead pet under the garbage) but "neat" isn't his middle name. Alas, I knew what I had when I married him, having been to his bachelor pad. I made sure my tetanus shot was current.

[snapdragen]

He isn't one of those people on that show Hoarders (I can't even watch that show, I'm always afraid they'll find a dead pet under the garbage)

Slightly OT, but I did watch this show last week....2 cats. "She loves pets, when her cats disappeared, she thought they had run away...."


Back on topic, I'm in the process of purging "stuff". So far one Subaru full of clothing, books, a brand new never used VCR have gone to Goodwill.

[deeaimond]

oh god, i've been watching hoarders these 2 weeks since i got here (no hoarders or cable back home) and it is unbelievable. It's one thing to hoard because you don't wanna throw things away, but then to have **** everywhere and like.. feet high and insects... and dead animals... thats really just too much.

i thought my house is bad, but then the show... unbelievable.

I live with my parents and share a room with my sister, so all my belongings have to fit in my half a room. what i did was to get my dad to build a really high bed, so there is lots of room underneath it.

then i bought huge plastic boxes with covers and i categorise the things i keep. I have boxes of nat geo magazines, winter clothes/clothes i don't need right now, stationery, bags, shoes etc, all categorised like that. so when i need something i just pull the right box out.

it's still cluttered coz of the lack of space, but its still possible to keep it clean.

my mum doesnt like to throw things away but i do it secretly. She keeps worksheets from when i was in kindergarten.. more than 20 yrs ago! sigh...
fortunately my mother is not a shopper. she doesnt buy stuff. so that is the blessing. she bags things and puts them in the storeroom. I take out a few bags at a time go through them and throw the rubbish stuff away. ask my dad to drive the bags to the salvation army. even then, its an endless battle. I'm more grossed out my my disgusting brother. he's eat and throws wrappers behind the bed. he's 17. we can smell his room before we see it. many a screaming match has broken out over the mess he leaves ard the house.

hoarders is just freaky, if i had a home anywhere close to that i'd take a week off work and just throw things out!!

brrrr...

[lph]

I didn't know until now that hoarding is considered a disorder. Just googled it. It's frightening but fascinating, because it taps into a whole lot of strong human instincts that are easy to understand and recognize, like the need for security, for being prepared, and well, the basic need to hoard something good when you have it because tomorrow it may be gone. I can see now that my mother had a tad of it, but not much. She'd utilize all available storage space (under the couches, behind rows of books, ceiling-high bookshelves) just to keep fairly useless stuff she couldn't bear to get rid of. In a way she hoarded cats. Not that they suffered or anything, but still, we had scores of indoor/outdoor cats that weren't really pets. She thought of herself as an "anti-consumer" - but would buy willingly, just never at full price. I think she felt it was a real letdown to have to actually throw something away, and be a "consumer" just like the rest of us...

I've turned out the total opposite. I hate clutter building up. My thinking is that if I can't remember where it is and find it when I need it, there's no point in having it. I keep some things purely for sentimental value, but I learned a good trick once: you don't need to keep it all. Keep one old school book, the one with all the cute stories in it, not all the school books from that year. Keep one piece of jewelry to remember your great-aunt by, not the entire box you inherited but will never wear. You are not insulting her memory by doing so, you are just being selective!

[Dogmama]

lph - good advice. I'm guilting my husband into giving things away with, "This is a perfectly good coat that you never wear. Some poor guy at the Salvation Army would probably really like it - but you're being selfish & hanging onto it." It's working!

I've also heard that unless you have room in your closet, you won't buy things that actually fit / are in style / etc. I have several pairs of jeans that are old old old - we're talking the waistband is above the naval & they are clown-baggy. I happened to catch part of that show "What Not To Wear" and saw somebody else with my pants on - ho boy did she get ridiculed. So, I'll keep one pair for washing the dog & the rest are out of here.

[SlowButSteady]

Original poster here

I've been working on it since July. Hard.

One large house, aluminum storage shed, little barn, big horse barn, yard.

All basically transformed (though still works in progress). I went through systematically, room-by-room. More or less. I did find that I have left a little something unfinished in each room. It is a disorder!

A conservative guess is that we threw away or donated away a couple of tons of stuff. Not counting several truckloads hauled off by a metal salvager.

We hosted a large wedding and reception (a "frolic" and contra dance held in our horse barn) here in October and everything was simply beautiful.

At a loss for what to do with myself, the week after the wedding, I took a trash bag into the woods and picked up stuff there.

I have been in houses like the one in which BleekerStGirl describes growing up. Mine was never that bad, thank heavens.

But if the clutter causes you anxiety-->which makes you more incapable of clearing it-->which causes you more anxiety-->until it basically takes over your life, you are a hoarder.

In my work as a dvm, I find that I am running across more and more individuals who are hoarding animals. In fact, in my practice, I now find myself having to "head some off at the pass" before they get out of hand and end up on the six o'clock news, busted by animal control.

Now pardon me while I go add to my collection of 3 lb coffee cans.

[redrhodie]

Good for you, SBS! It must feel like such a relief to be unburdened by the stuff!
I love a happy ending.

[ny biker]

lph - good advice. I'm guilting my husband into giving things away with, "This is a perfectly good coat that you never wear. Some poor guy at the Salvation Army would probably really like it - but you're being selfish & hanging onto it." It's working!

I've also heard that unless you have room in your closet, you won't buy things that actually fit / are in style / etc. I have several pairs of jeans that are old old old - we're talking the waistband is above the naval & they are clown-baggy. I happened to catch part of that show "What Not To Wear" and saw somebody else with my pants on - ho boy did she get ridiculed. So, I'll keep one pair for washing the dog & the rest are out of here.

What Not To Wear has inspired me to get rid of lots of old clothes. I'm also more careful in buying new ones -- I'm a sucker for color and texture, so I tended to buy things that might not fit so well because I love the color or fabric. Now I pay much more attention to how things fit.

I still have clutter issues, though. For every sweater I get rid of, I seem to buy two new ones.

[Blueberry]

Yay SlowButSteady!! What an amazing transformation you have made - and how good it must make you feel!!

Congratulations!!!

[malkin]

I've just started thinking about maybe wanting a piano.

We've been trying to lighten our load for years, and getting a real live acoustic piano really wouldn't exactly be working toward that. I'm trying to talk myself out of it by walking around with a tape measure.