I myself, was considered a problem child( premie), up til the day that I found out that I had non diagnosed ADD from blue baby syndrome. It was heartbreaking as I blamed for things I had no control over( focus) etc, and despair spiraled me into a eating disorder, and worse. No one knew and my parents still dont know to this day, the cruelty that I have been thru.
I figure, they did their best, even though the best wasn't so good.
You, have tried. And like myself, are haunted. And might be for a while.
Time is a great healer, but sometimes there isnt enough time.
Perhaps you might do some hatha yoga.This is the very best thing I found for emotional hurt and upsets. It has been done for 1000s of years to calm the emotions and I find it helps let them out too.
You are a special and caring person. You have done a brave and good thing. Im sorry it hurt you. You are your own Lance Armstrong in some ways, you know? No hill or endurance will hurt as much as perhaps you still do. Use it, the pain is a tool. Exceed your limits. It helps. xxo Kerry