Dear Newbie Cycling Friend who chooses not to heed my advice about properly inflating tires,

Yeah, I inflate my tires just for show. I'm making all the benefits of it up. It really doesn't make my ride faster and handling safer. I just do it so I can waste some time before going out for my dreaded ride.

Sincerely,
the one on the other end of the line saying "I told you so" when you get your pinch flat.