negative thoughts please skip if affected by...

[limewave]

At a time when you're walking around going "what's next?" it might help you to do a little volunteer or charity work. Sometimes if you help some people that are less healthy or fortunate as you, it helps to put everything in perspective. And if you get involved in volunteer work, usually the people that you meet are wonderful, selfless and big-hearted. Who knows what could happen?

+1
Those were my thoughts exactly. When I've been really struggling and lost, I've found volunteering really helps me get through it.

[indysteel]

I'm really sorry for your sadness. I can relate to much of it. I would ditto the suggestions for keeping a gratitute journal and volunteering. While I haven't kept a journal, per se, there was a distinct turning point in my own life when I started to focus on being grateful for things, rather than "happy" about them, mostly because it is actually possible to be grateful for bad things (to the extent that some of the best things in my life are actually derived from the bad). Beyond the obvious benefit to the community that volunteering provides, it's just a great way to feel good about yourself and to get outside your own mind once in a while.

For me, my long, long stretches of being single made me feel pretty unloveable. Couple my pathetic romantic history with a family (and, more speficially parents) that is, in a word, dysfunctional, and I felt very alone and lonely for much of my life. With the help of therapy, yoga (and a very spiritual yoga teacher), cycling, some great friends, and my own fierce determination to feel differently about my life and myself, I finally figured out a few things that worked for me.

Most significantly, I started to firmly believe that I was capable of loving myself enough to make up for my family and lack of a SO. That, in and of itself, was completely empowering. I also accepted that I was going to have to work at being happy. While it may come more naturally for some, I really had to make a conscious choice every day to do what I needed to do to be happy. Some days, that was as simple as going to a yoga class. Others, it meant really sitting with my thoughts and feelings. I had/have to be diligent about it.

Finally, I more freely allowed myself to have those sad and lonely moments without giving in to their full power. I used to try to stuff that sadness into a closet, for fear that it would simply overwhelm me. Again with the help of therapy, yoga, cycling and some good friends, I started to feel more confident in being able to go to those "dark places" without fear that they defined or controlled me. Interestingly, the more I allowed myself to feel lonely at times and to be "okay" with that, the less lonely I felt.

If my journey had stopped there indefinitely, I truly believe I would be a happy and content person. It certainly paused there there long enough that I can say that with a straight face. As it turned out, however, I ultimately did meet someone with whom I plan to share the rest of my life. He's truly been the icing on what was already turning out to be a darn good cake.

Anyway, that's my story. I share it with you to give you some hope that you may not always feel the way you do today.

[AnnieBikes]

All the posts have something great to say and I would again echo the volunteering and the journal...but besides the gratitude, you could put one thing about yourself that is good, too. There are so many neat things that only YOU know about yourself and you could remind yourself of those things.

You have already made the first, best step, and that is seeking advice from the wonderful group of women who frequent this forum. They are the best.

Revisiting the counselor is really a great suggestion and you may find that medication works for you. I have seen wonders worked for someone I know well, with meds and talking to an impartial third person.

Good luck and hugs from me, too.

[tribogota]

Thanks all! First of all for sharing your own intimacies. The trust implicit in sharing is gratifying. Your comments made me smile.
I do volunteer and teach as my profession so I am surrounded by moments of change and am grateful for many things each day including pain free health. One of the groups I work and hang out with are parolympic athletes and that fits my own sports interest. I would like to say that while we should be grateful to have easy mobility, they do not see their lives as that different than easy mobility people's lives. They frequently feel sorry for ME, since they see themselves surrounded by family and friends and see me as lonely They have very full and similar lives, to those of us who move on two legs with good vision and hearing. It is gratifying to volunteer. If I were a faster athlete I would love to be a guide-athlete in triathlon, but alas, both the vision and hearing impaired athletes I know are WAY too fast for me.

I am working on accepting loneliness and just living with it. I really love TE's forum. Who would have thought that a virtual community could be so trusting, loving, and warm. Thanks.

[colby]

Hey tribogota,

Sometimes we just need to reach out and touch someone. You're strong and independent, but sometimes we are just fundamentally social animals and want that human connection. I don't think it's fair to just "suck it up" and move on (not that anyone here is suggesting that), and you've got a lot of good advice here about how to cope.

I look forward to reading your posts in the forum, and wish that as with everyone in TE that we make connections with that we could all hang out in the same big room together one day.

[kacie tri-ing]

Hugs here too! Sometimes it does feel like we are in a big room! I love your posts too!

[arielmoon]

((((tribogata))))

I'm sorry you're sad.

It's okay to not be in a relationship. A good coupled relationship is a gift, but it is not necessary to have one to live a happy and rewarding life.

~snip~

Finding small happinesses in your daily life is a skill that you can learn and cultivate. This can help you grow your happiness, from little things (paying a toll for the car behind you, one of my favorite cheap thrills, for example, or smelling a richly-perfumed flower) into a collection of little things, into bigger things, into a happier life.

Or as someone else put it: happiness is a habit. Just as you trained for tri, you can train for happiness. You know how to train (that is something for which to be grateful right there!), and can tap into that wealth of knowledge to train yourself to find the small happinesses in your everyday life.

Great advice!

I am a big fan of Louise Hay and per her advice I do positive affirmations before I get out of bed. I think of all the wonderful things that I have in my life that I might otherwise take for granted and I realize that what I have is much more important than what I dont have.

[Selkie]

Tri - I'm sorry to hear about your sadness and I hope things turn around for you soon. Lots of good advice here, so there isn't much wisdom I can add other than to say that everything is temporary. In six months, who knows what will be happening in your life (something wonderful, perhaps)? Sending you lots of good karma.

[malkin]

Hang in there.

You're in Bogota? Like Columbia?