Relationship/trust probs...

[kenyonchris]

Hmmm. Everyone here is giving you great advice, I am not sure this is going to help you, but I see a lot of people with marital problems (sometimes on a domestic dispute, a custody issue with the kids, a property dispute, an attempted suicide, and a variety of other satellite problems that pop up when two people who live together start to sleep with one eye open).

Regardless of whether he has signed up on a swinger's site or whatever, if it is something he has hidden from you, lied about, or does secretly, its a problem...and it is going to manifest itself in other areas. You don't trust him, he's not honest with you, ya'll have a major issue. Don't wait for the other shoe to drop. If you think you guys have a stable enough base to get back on track, get someone to help you do it. If you don't, move on...either way, do it now.

I knew two very nice elderly people who did the swinger thing. But both of them knew about the other's activities, and they were good with it. Not for me, but it worked for them.

[tulip]

Couples counseling, if you want to pursue the marriage.

Individual counseling even if you don't want to pursue the marriage. This will help you decide if you want to work on the marriage. It will also likely help you work on yourself. It's quite easy to say that he's the bad guy here, that he's looking to cheat, that he's lied before...and all that is very legit to be concerned about. But there are two people, and rarely, if ever, in a marriage are the problems solely on one person. Individual (and couples) counseling will help you work on yourself. And that's all you can work on, really. You cannot control what other people do. You can only control what you do.

Best wishes for a resolution that furthers your happiness in life.
-tulip