Quote Originally Posted by SheFly View Post
With respect to everyone here, why is it that people immediately ask HOW someone died?
My sympathies for your very difficult situation. In answer to your question: Because we are human beings, and part of the way we deal with loss is by trying to find reasons and explanations where, ultimately, there are none. It's the same reason that we have, over the centuries, created various creation myths to explain our very existence. We need to know why despite the ultimate unimportance of it.

True, it seems very unfeeling and insensitive when the circumstances are less natural, but know that it is one way that people show that they care about both the deceased and the living. Asking those questions show that they're also affected by the death. When I had to deal with phone calls after my step-father's death, I never once had to answer that question to a stranger; they never asked. It was only the people who cared about him or me who asked.

That said, your point is well taken. When we are naturally inclined to express our sympathies by asking questions, it may be better to ask questions in the present, as in: What can we do to help you?