training with the guys

[abejita]

I think that it is your bf's issue. My hubs rides and runs with several woman. Honestly, I have no idea whether they are single or attached...I is more about my husband rather than the other women. I've never even given it a second thought that he exercises with other women (and men).

[Biciclista]

Yes, a lot of folks have posted here with your same story.
You need to sit down and look him in the eye and ask why you two can't ride together without him wanting to teach you all the time; he's not your father.

Next; the fact is, if you are training for a tri; you really are taking a lot of time away from your relationship - remember, you used to ride together. He got a lot of joy out of playing coach with you; might even be why he got involved with you in the first place.
It's clear to me he's not happy with this new development.
You have to find a way to keep him happy if you want the relationship to continue. If all you do is TRIs and tri training, and he's not involved, you might be in trouble..
the golden word is compromise. You BOTH have to do it for a relationship to work.
M

[li10up]

I guess I have a different take on this...I don't think it is up to you to make your BF happy. Truthfully, nobody can truly make someone else happy...happiness comes from within. If he can't get over his trust issues, which IMO is what his problem is, then I see a rocky road ahead of you. I agree that compromise is essential but you've asked him to ride with you and the other guys...he doesn't want to. Do what makes you happy, you two haven't made a lifelong commitment to each other yet....

[letsride89]

wow thank you girls very much for your feedback.


i have to give him credit...he is being such a trooper. i really think they way he was raised has a lot to do with the jealousy he has of the time i had with the guys. they will text me and ask to go run....and if he sees that he still gets a little erked...but is working on dealing with it. this is a big test in our relationship....


he has stated over and over that this is HIS problem and i am doing nothing wrong. i just pray his issues get resolved. he explains that he wants me to do what makes me happy...so i love him for that. it is purely an issue he has....and we are working on it!!!

any other input? thanks girls.

[tctrek]

Jealousy stinks and is never, ever, healthy or good for a relationship. If he doesn't trust you to ride with others, there's more issues than just who rides with who.

That said, you also have to be open to ways to spend time with him. If you spend more time with others than you do with him, it's reasonable for him to say "what the heck?"

It's all about balance, being true to yourself and allow him to be true to himself. You have to know how to compromise, but I think the give and take of a relationship is something you always have to work at.

It's funny how many people meet and fall in love and then spend years trying to change the things they don't like about the other person. That just doesn't work. I guess that's why the vows say "for better or worse".

[Mr. Bloom]

I often chime in on these, because I've been here before. I like what Mimi said.

No, it's not just HIS problem...as long as there are TWO people in a relationship, every problem requires mutual resolution and mutual understanding. The key is that he's trying to understand and is "being a trooper" and I think you care as well.

For me, I got over it when I got to know the guys (and their wives). It was the guys I didn't trust...

[Wahine]

I am a triathlete and I was married. I spent a ton of time training and my ex did not do a lot of training with me. He let me go off and play with the boys but that didn't do the trick. We needed more time together. Unfortunately, our priorities had diverged enough that it wasn't possible for us to find a good middle ground and now we're no longer a couple. I honestly believe that part of that came from our inability to find things to do together.

So here's my advice. Can you talk to him about not wanting to be coached by him and find a way to ride together? Have you explored why it is that you do not like him giving you riding tips all the time? Have you asked him why he feels it necessary to coach you?

If he feels secure in his relationship with you and you with your relationship with him, it will not matter that you train a lot or spend time training with other guys. But you won't feel secure with each other until you talk about the issues and try to figure out what's going on from both of your sides. Being controlling is not cool, nor is jealousy. But, you need to figure out where all this is coming from. Relationships are a 2 way street. It is not just his issue, it's also not just yours.