Donna-
the good news is that your bike is 'calling' to you- that means you want to ride it....that's great!
The other good news is that yes you certainly can start all over again, and why the heck shouldn't you? Forget about 30 and 50 mile rides for now- thinking about them only makes you feel bad...and the hell with that!
Get on your bike and do a 2 or 3 mile ride, and you will feel GOOD. Then do it again a couple days later. Just do what makes you feel happy.
Trying to ride too much does not make you feel happy, and not riding at all does not make you feel happy.
You need to make riding something you enjoy again- not some ordeal or dread/guilt thing or punishment.

Go for a quicky little ride and feel good about it!