Help with body image

[redrhodie]

She also just broke up with her bf (again), so help is needed right now more than ever. I know I can't make her go, but I feel like dragging her there. It seems to me poor body image/bad relationship stuff is tightly entwined. I can't help but think if she felt better about herself, she wouldn't be pining for this jerk.

[leathela]

I love the advice in this thread. So many women have such fraught relationships with their bodies, when our bodies can do the most incredible things. As others have mentioned, I really think the key to appreciating and respecting your body is thanking it, literally and figuratively, for what it allows you to do.

I had an eating disorder for many years. When I was very skinny, I looked 'great' (actually, I looked sickly), but I was not strong, had no stamina, and was also not happy. I finally got tired of damaging my body and not treating it the way it deserved to be treated. I've been in remission for my ED for 3 years, and the changes I have seen in my abilities are amazing. I have the strength and endurance to take long, hard run and rides, and can now truly enjoy the sense of release, empowerment, and satisfaction that comes with recognizing what your body can achieve.

Cultivating and nurturing a healthy body image is not easy, and your views of yourself are not always consistent. I know that I have 'good' days and 'bad' days. When I made the commitment to overcome my anorexia, I gained what seemed to me a significant amount of weight. While it was weight I knew that I needed to gain, going from 95 pounds to 120 is still kind of a jump. At times, I felt quite horribly about myself. People were extremely encouraging and frequently told me how great I looked, but I didn't believe them. As validating as outside opinions can be, you will truly only feel good about yourself when you realize your value, your uniqueness, and your beauty. And sometimes you DO need to tell yourself, out loud, that you are a strong, valuable person and that your body is perfect because it is yours. I know that sounds cheesy, but it helps!

[redrhodie]

I love the advice in this thread. So many women have such fraught relationships with their bodies, when our bodies can do the most incredible things. As others have mentioned, I really think the key to appreciating and respecting your body is thanking it, literally and figuratively, for what it allows you to do.

I had an eating disorder for many years. When I was very skinny, I looked 'great' (actually, I looked sickly), but I was not strong, had no stamina, and was also not happy. I finally got tired of damaging my body and not treating it the way it deserved to be treated. I've been in remission for my ED for 3 years, and the changes I have seen in my abilities are amazing. I have the strength and endurance to take long, hard run and rides, and can now truly enjoy the sense of release, empowerment, and satisfaction that comes with recognizing what your body can achieve.

Cultivating and nurturing a healthy body image is not easy, and your views of yourself are not always consistent. I know that I have 'good' days and 'bad' days. When I made the commitment to overcome my anorexia, I gained what seemed to me a significant amount of weight. While it was weight I knew that I needed to gain, going from 95 pounds to 120 is still kind of a jump. At times, I felt quite horribly about myself. People were extremely encouraging and frequently told me how great I looked, but I didn't believe them. As validating as outside opinions can be, you will truly only feel good about yourself when you realize your value, your uniqueness, and your beauty. And sometimes you DO need to tell yourself, out loud, that you are a strong, valuable person and that your body is perfect because it is yours. I know that sounds cheesy, but it helps!

Not cheesy at all. I'm glad you've gotten through this (I had similar problems in my 20s).

Now, I have a good body image most days. On days it's not so good, I try to remember my body is just a tool, and it works really well for me, so be thankful for that.

As someone who has been there, I still haven't been able to help my friend. It's very frustrating, but also eyeopening to how I saw myself in an obscured way, and how that must have been hard for the people who love me.

[cylegoddess]

Yeah strong and STRONG! Im still having a few issues with old eating disorder ghosts, so it is great to hear about this!!
I found out today, that if you eat some sugar in middle of ride, wow! you ride home at top speed! Im not supposed to have sugar, but a little wont hurt.
I was so thingy about eating things in middle of ride, and now I feel like a idiot!
We all suffer a bit from body image, and eating thingies so its so great to have support!
And I thought she looks great in her swimmers! What is beautiful to me is that you are healthy. I as, said before, am chronically ill, so when I see ladies whizzing by me at great speeds on their bikes, often twice my size( Im pretty small) I think - wow! what a cycling goddess!! Shes gorgeous! And its made me loosen up on my idea of what I should look like, and thats so nice.

[staceysue]

I used to have a really negative body image, until I started seeing LOTS of people naked, in real life. hehe. When I became a nurse, my body image problems went away.

I worked 4 years in ER and saw hundreds of naked women of all ages, accompanied by their boyfriends/husbands, and I realized that real women honestly don't look like Hollywood women! At first it was a big shock to me when I'd see really good-looking men with women who had bodies like mine. It was confusing. I was saying things like "men sure aren't very picky."

Then - I had an epiphany! It is absolutely 100% true that Hollywood and magazines have totally skewed women's body images. It is very unusual to see a woman with a "perfect" body or even hollywood's definition of a "nice" or "acceptable" body!

It's a shame that show business doesn't do the same thing to men . . .

I'm almost 40, 5'4 and 150 lbs, and now I realize I'm in pretty darn good shape. I used to hate looking in the mirror, and now I'm proud of myself.

If you have the opportunity - get out there and look at lots of naked people!

[redrhodie]

Great post, staceysue! Thanks so much for that! It made my day.

I wish we could get young girls to see more "real" female bodies, because I suspect that will help. I wonder if the body image of the EU woman is better than ours in the US because of their more relaxed attitude to nudity?

[staceysue]

Great post, staceysue! Thanks so much for that! It made my day.

I wish we could get young girls to see more "real" female bodies, because I suspect that will help. I wonder if the body image of the EU woman is better than ours in the US because of their more relaxed attitude to nudity?

Yeah - in the US the only people who are relaxed about nudity are those who are in the top 1%.

Kind of a little tangent here - my nephew was caught looking at porn on the internet and my brother had a very good talk with him about it. He told him it was a bad idea to do that because if he got it in his head that that's what women really look (and behave) like, it would have a negative effect on his relationships later on. He made it clear to him that real women are not like that, and he'd better learn to love real women.

Not that we should be worried about whether or not men think we're good sex objects . . . but many of usare worried about that and we have to be realistic.

[Dogmama]

I
Then - I had an epiphany! It is absolutely 100% true that Hollywood and magazines have totally skewed women's body images. It is very unusual to see a woman with a "perfect" body or even hollywood's definition of a "nice" or "acceptable" body!

It's a shame that show business doesn't do the same thing to men . . .

But Hollywood is playing to an audience - us! Until our society speaks out loudly, we'll continue to be inundated with Victoria Secret women. As women, we need to object to descriptives such as "cow" or "fat pig." We should educate our daughters that buying a Victoria Secret push-up bra doesn't mean you'll look like them (especially if you have nothing to push up, like me!).

The bigger picture is that we need to redefine our definition of beauty. The best way is to vote with our pocketbook. Don't buy from stores that promote unhealthy, unattainable female body images. Write letters to the companies, to editors, tell your friends. That is the way paradigms are changed - when we realize that the old dominant paradigms no longer serve us.

<soap box off>