I just want to love to ride again.

[HermitGirl]

Another thing has occurred to me : I met my DH when I was race-fit, and 50 pounds smaller and buffer, and well, I think I let my whole self image shape itself around his impression of me (or my perception of his impression of me) , and so, talk about unrealistic expectations to be upheld. Many married women know how emotionally constricting it is to have a false halo or bunch of old worn-out expectations as baggage to carry in a relationship. I realized just as I was getting choked by my own guilt, that I am getting choked by a degree of percieved expecation from my DH, and that does *nothing* good for a marriage, believe me. A real lose-lose situation, but one I must own up to, and take full responsibility in turning around. Oy. Hard work on all fronts !