Girls, I need your help! Emergency...

[ASammy1]

I don't have anything to add to what everyone has already said. I just wanted to wish you luck in whatever you decided to do. I'm a romantic at heart, so please keep us updated on what happens...

[Flybye]

I say that you will never know unless you find out. Endless wondering may kill you. Knowing might be painful, but it is a pain that has an end.
You have no idea if she is happily engaged until you meet with her fact to face. If she is happily engaged, she will let you know.
Follow your heart.

[indysteel]

Well, I'm a romantic, too, and if this were just a case of star-crossed lovers reuniting, I'd be the first to cheer. But I'm also aware that there's a third party--the ex's fiance--who likely wouldn't find any of this to be romantic. If the OP gets what he most wants, I hope the OP's ex handles her fiance's heart with as much care as possible.

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Celerystalks-
Don't you have any friends, family, therapists, or other advisers to help you with your lost love issue? After all, none of us knows you or knows the whole situation. We can spout off all our massive collection of accumulated advice about relationships (and most of us women just LOVE to do that) but since we know little to nothing about the real people involved, it is all merely speculative.
Frankly, I simply can't imagine myself going to an online men's cycling forum to ask for romance advice, so my red flag goes up here. But my point is really that I think you could get much more relevant and helpful input from people who know you. I do sympathize with anyone going through love pains.

But I think there's a lot going on here that we don't know about.



.

[Selkie]

Celery

I don't feel that I'm qualified to give you advice on this situation, as matters of the heart are intensely personal.

"The Age of Innocence" is my favorite book and movie.... so..... When I need a good cry, I re-read it.

Every relationship has the potential to make you a better partner, lover, and friend, if you learn from the experiences. One day when you least expect it, that right person will walk into your life and trust me, you'll know it in your bones.

[channlluv]

I don't have a whole lot to add and I agree with Bleeker - without knowing you and your ex and the whole story, anything you read here is speculation. The clues that are niggling at me are that you let some external entity talk you out of your relationship with her, and that you didn't have the cajones to tell her why you were breaking up with her. You dumped her with no explanation. Why should she take you back?

And something she said, that you're both co-dependents. Not to be judgmental, but if it wasn't a good idea for you two to be together before, what makes you think anything's changed? (And, sorry to be so personal, but if the issue is alcohol, you're spending a lot of time at bars...have you worked on your dependency issues? If not, you're nowhere near ready to move on with anyone, least of all her.)

If you talk with her today and she expresses a desire to see you, then go. If she doesn't, don't press her.

Unless her fiance is a real jerk, which you have no way of knowing unless she tells you so, let her go build her future with the man who picked up the pieces after you broke her heart.

Roxy

[Zen]

This is not an emergency.

[Crankin]

To him, it is.
I am sure many of us have had relationship crises that totally have taken over our lives. Even though men are portrayed as not having these feelings, in reality, this happens to everyone.
I think he is honestly seeking advice from women, who he views as open and accepting. Yes, as Lisa says, it would to get advice from those closer to him, but how many of us have come to TE to ask this type of personal question?
Celery, let us know what happens.

[Irulan]

Celerystalks-
Don't you have any friends, family, therapists, or other advisers to help you with your lost love issue? After all, none of us knows you or knows the whole situation. We can spout off all our massive collection of accumulated advice about relationships (and most of us women just LOVE to do that) but since we know little to nothing about the real people involved, it is all merely speculative.
Frankly, I simply can't imagine myself going to an online men's cycling forum to ask for romance advice, so my red flag goes up here. But my point is really that I think you could get much more relevant and helpful input from people who know you. I do sympathize with anyone going through love pains.

But I think there's a lot going on here that we don't know about.


.

Werd. I've never quite understood guys coming into women's boards (it happens elsewhere) and looking for relationship advice.

[Tuckervill]

I'm sure since this thread is now 3 pages, my opinion has already been said, but....I don't think she's moved on at ALL.

That doesn't mean she's yours to pursue. I think you should call her, not see her. Her fiancee would be upset, I think, if he knew about the tearful message. More upset if subsequently she had a visit from you.

But when you talk to her, you shouldn't offer yourself up or try to tempt her away. Just make sure you're honest about your feelings even if they're conflicted, but be clear you will not cross "that" line. Wish her the best, and THEN move on.

I have to tell you, that when I got engaged about this time 20 years ago, my old boyfriends started coming OUT of the woodwork! I got a call almost every night, and NONE of them were in a position to know that I had become engaged. It was weird.

Good luck.
Karen

[Tuckervill]

GLC said:

It seemed like when I'd finally found the right guy and made my commitment, all the others came out of the woodwork with 'what could have beens'. I enjoyed all that communication and I enjoyed knowing the 'reasons' behind things. It all just served to confirm that I was making the right choice and it just futhered my commitment to my future husband.

How weird...that is the same thing that happened to me, with the same result. It was so wonderful to be completely sure of what I wanted.

Karen

[GLC1968]

To him, it is.
I am sure many of us have had relationship crises that totally have taken over our lives. Even though men are portrayed as not having these feelings, in reality, this happens to everyone.
I think he is honestly seeking advice from women, who he views as open and accepting. Yes, as Lisa says, it would to get advice from those closer to him, but how many of us have come to TE to ask this type of personal question?
Celery, let us know what happens.

Yes, Celery, please do.

That's the rule, you know. In exchange for advice, you have to let us know what happened!

[GLC1968]

GLC said:


How weird...that is the same thing that happened to me, with the same result. It was so wonderful to be completely sure of what I wanted.

Karen

That is weird. And I also got engaged about this time (June 22nd, actually) but 7 years ago. How do the ex's know? Spooky!

[Miranda]

OK, I just sat here and read this whole thread. My opinion of what I was going to answer is unchanged.

Straight up...

You tell her.

Pour your gutts out from the heart with everything you have told us right here. If your soul says cry. Do it. Hold nothing back. *Including* what your "head" logically tells you to do also as you have posted.

No regrets, my friend.

Why?

Story for you...

Btw, I hate these kinda stupid chain emails you get from friends to forward etc. This latest one I played along and answered. It was a "get to know your friends better game". Fill in the blank, forward your answers, next buddy reads, adds their own, repeat.

Here was a striking question: "What are you most afraid of?"
My reply: "Dieing with regret".

As part of my professional background in healthcare, I literally DID watch people die with regret. It's difficult to even find words to describe the depth of that experience.

If she doesn't want to see you, hear it, etc. That is it. You tried. If so, you do what I said earlier.

If she is meant to truly marry this man she is engaged to... what you have to say will not change that.

The outcome is unforeseen.

Lastly...
FWIW, when I personally was in this same situation, a wise friend said "to chance is to live". With that, I bared my soul. It did not change the outcome. But I will not die with regret and eternally wonder "what if"... so, regardless of outcome, I'm at peace.

Good Luck!
Miranda

[martinkap]

OK, I just sat here and read this whole thread. My opinion of what I was going to answer is unchanged.

Straight up...

You tell her.

Pour your gutts out from the heart with everything you have told us right here. If your soul says cry. Do it. Hold nothing back. *Including* what your "head" logically tells you to do also as you have posted.
Miranda

Absolutely the best advice! I cannot agree more. Live the fullest, don't take excuses, don't hold back. Do it. At least you will know for once and all!

Martina