Girls, I need your help! Emergency...

[celerystalksme]

in response to a couple of the posts above and just a general response...

funny thing about this is...i was totally surprised to hear back from her. in the two years we've been apart, she has never responded to the once every 6 month 'hello, how are you' i've sent her. it was shocking.

when i first started to hear her message...i was surprised to hear her but emotionally even keeled. and when she said she was getting married, i felt a mix of happiness for her and a little sadness.

but i tell you what...i broke down like a baby when i heard her voice crack and when i heard her crying through the part of the message i posted. i did not expect that at all. i guess i assumed i was still hanging on a bit...but i thought i probably didn't even exist to her anymore. when i heard all the emotion...when i heard the things she said...and when i heard her halting sentences, where it seemed like she wanted to say something more or something different but didn't...hearing all of that, brought everything rushing back. all my regret...all of my love...everything i never got a chance to say...all came flooding back in a torrent.

someone mentioned that sometimes we romanticize our past relationships. and of course, this is often true...mostly true. i'm not sure that's the case with this particular relationship. she loved me so much and wanted to marry...i loved her so much and i wanted to marry her. was it perfect? of course not...but it was close. i didn't want it to end...but thought i had to end it. suffice it to say, i allowed some insecurities to get the better of me and allowed the opinions of others sway me.

my heart says to let her know all the reasons why our relationship ended...and let her know how much i still care for her. my head says i'm being stupid...and that even if she has something lingering for me, i should not indulge it and just let it die in both of us so she can move on.

i listened to my head when we broke up. and to this day, i wish i had listened to my heart.

i don't know...i don't know...