Elope?

[sgtiger]

We eloped during spring break twelve years ago. The local county courthouse was booked two months out. So we ended up in Oregon City, two days before Dh's birthday, being married by the judge that presided over Tonya Harding's indictment. It was all very funny in a cosmic sort of way for us. BIAK went to Oregon City H.S. and his hoodlum friends were tried by this judge. Tonya Harding went to my high school for a while with his ex. Anyhow, I wore a long spaghetti strap summer dress with a print on it and Dh wore slacks and button down shirt. I don't think he wore a tie, but I could be wrong. I forgot to ask the witnesses (court employees) to take our picture even though I had my camera with me. Nerves and excitement, I guess, so we don't even have a picture of our day. We spent our honeymoon in San Francisco visiting Golden Gate Park, the Exploratorium, and Ghirardelli Square. I have no regrets about not having a formal wedding. For us, it's always been about our marriage and helping each other thrive. Well... after those first few tempestuous years, anyway.

[Mr. SR500]

Congrats!

Can't help much, we had the big wedding, but had a blast!

Do exactly what you want: dress, place, size, everything, it's your day - your memories. Have a blast. I think it is worth sharing with a few close friends.

[silver]

Indy! You can't be talking about this until Silver and I have given our approval!

But, we had a HUGE wedding with all the pre-wedding family drama of the busy body aunts butting in. 30 minutes of music followed by a 10 minute procession, followed by an 8 minute ceremony, followed by a 3 hour exhausting reception.

Don't do it! Keep it small and simple...focus on the commitment and the celebration, not the event!

Put the money and planning into a biking honeymoon in Tuscany instead!

I completely agree with what my spouse said! Especially the biking honeymoon in Tuscany part!

[Crankin]

I think I was the only one who said she would have done the wedding differently! That sounds kind of negative, but really, I think is a reflection of the fact that at age 26, I was not strong enough to say "no" to my in laws and their demands to invite people who meant nothing to us. If there had been 50 people at the wedding, it would not have been a big deal, but with only 20, it was. I didn't want a "huge" wedding, but one that reflected us a little more.
On this topic, what do you all think of, or really does anyone here have experience with weddings where the groom's parents are in control, let's say for financial or other reasons?

[Biciclista]

No, Crankin, not so. A number of us implied that the COUPLE should not cave to other people's expectations, because it's their day.

I chose to remember and recount the parts of my wedding that I liked, but I too have regrets, and most of it is about letting other people's egos get involved with your wedding. That's the beauty of elopement.

[indysteel]

Thanks for everyone's input and well wishes. I think we'll figure it out; I was just sort of overwhelmed yesterday with options. Who knew not having a traditional wedding could be so complicated. I'm feeling better about it today.

Thankfully, we're totally comfortable with the idea of eloping. I don't think either of us has given serious consideration to having a traditonal wedding--big or small. I'm totally relieved that BF's family (he's close to his parents, unlike me) don't object to an elopement. Things would be sticky if they did. My parents long ago gave me the blessing to elope, which is surprising given some of their statements about my siblings' non-Catholic weddings. So, it really is just up to us, which is nice.

I'll keep you posted!

[Trek420]

I completely agree with what my spouse said! Especially the biking honeymoon in Tuscany part!

Tuscany? Tuscany?? Marry in San Francisco (or Carmel, or Monterey or ....) then take the biking honeymoon in the Sonoma County wine county.

It's every bit as beautiful. Our Sonoma and Mendocino coastline rivals the Amalfi coast.

Do it for you, do it for the US economy

[ASammy1]

Hi Indy!

Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I'm getting married too and we are also facing the same "issues" as you. It will be both of our second weddings and we do not want to go through the hoopla (or spend the $$) of a big wedding. My first wedding was the big deal with over 200 people and I hated every minute of it. I wanted a destination wedding and my now ex said no they do the big wedding at home. I should have known then it wasn't going to work LOL

This time around my fiance and I wanted to elope but knew our families would be very upset, so we are having them rent beach houses (we live on the east coast in a beach town and our families are both from different cities in the midwest). We are going to have a very simple chapel wedding and then go back to one of the houses to a catered dinner.

It's not eloping, but it's the closest thing we can get to eloping!

[indysteel]

Hi Indy!

Congrats on your upcoming wedding! I'm getting married too and we are also facing the same "issues" as you. It will be both of our second weddings and we do not want to go through the hoopla (or spend the $$) of a big wedding. My first wedding was the big deal with over 200 people and I hated every minute of it. I wanted a destination wedding and my now ex said no they do the big wedding at home. I should have known then it wasn't going to work LOL

This time around my fiance and I wanted to elope but knew our families would be very upset, so we are having them rent beach houses (we live on the east coast in a beach town and our families are both from different cities in the midwest). We are going to have a very simple chapel wedding and then go back to one of the houses to a catered dinner.

It's not eloping, but it's the closest thing we can get to eloping!

Congratulations to you as well! Your plan sounds great. I'd actually love to do something like that if I had any interest if my family wasn't a bit dysfunctional.

Have a great time and best wishes for a happy union!

[channlluv]

Hi Indy!

...This time around my fiance and I wanted to elope but knew our families would be very upset, so we are having them rent beach houses (we live on the east coast in a beach town and our families are both from different cities in the midwest). We are going to have a very simple chapel wedding and then go back to one of the houses to a catered dinner.

It's not eloping, but it's the closest thing we can get to eloping!

The fun thing about this is that it's your families having to do all the traveling. It also sounds like a blast in that you'll have all your family members there for a vacation at the beach, in your own hometown, so you already know all the fun things to do. That is just so darn clever. I love it.

I hope your ceremony is beautiful and the family celebration afterward just as special.

Love all around today. I like it.

Roxy

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

I think the whole point of all this is for each couple to do what would make them happy. That's different for different people, of course.

[ASammy1]

The fun thing about this is that it's your families having to do all the traveling. It also sounds like a blast in that you'll have all your family members there for a vacation at the beach, in your own hometown, so you already know all the fun things to do. That is just so darn clever. I love it.

I hope your ceremony is beautiful and the family celebration afterward just as special.

Love all around today. I like it.

Roxy

Sorry for the thread hi-jack Indy...

Roxy-that was the plan! That way we didn't have to decide who's family had to travel and who didnt. We are also planning on doing it early Thanksgiving week so we can have the reception at one house and then Thanksgiving dinner all together at the other house.

[Karma007]

We're sort of eloping. I've been married before (okay twice, but who's counting?) The first time was a shotgun wedding (we welcomed my daughter 6 months later), the next time around was a large formal afair, and we spent way too much money on things that I now realize didn't mean a thing.

My fiance and I were going to go to Las Vegas alone, but now it looks like our entourage is up to 15. We're not paying for anyone's anything, but will arrange dinner and have a small cake post-ceremony. Basically folks are using it as an excuse to go to Vegas, which is fine.

My dress is actually the one I wore in a previous lifetime, but I've had it modified to better fit the me that I am now, and to make it easier to wear while partying in LV; I might as well have some fun, I'm never wearing it again. The boy will wear a suit, b/c he needs one anyway. I did order invites, but only 25, more just for fun than anything else. I can't wait!

[indysteel]

Have fun, Tofu, and best wishes!

[indysteel]

I think the whole point of all this is for each couple to do what would make them happy. That's different for different people, of course.

I agree. The purpose of my thread was to help me discern what might make me/us happy. Beyond the general idea of eloping, I can't say that I'm completely sure. I know more of what I don't want (a big expense, family feuds, extra stress) than what I do. Or, if I do know what I want, I'm not entirely sure at this point on how to translate it.