Elope?

[Biciclista]

We had a small wedding at a grange hall. (we did not elope)
I did not wear a white dress, instead I wore a long red print skirt and a white blouse. My husband wore a jacket with a tie in his breast pocket.
I did not get a diamond ring, honestly I dislike diamonds and we were so poor anyway.
It's your wedding. Do it exactly the way that it would be comfortable for you. If you decide you do want a party, don't let anyone's offers "oh, i'll sing for your wedding" overwhelm your sense of what YOU want.

I hated chanting the lovely vows out loud that we found in a book.
My husband, even though he is a lot more outgoing, blew his lines too.
Neither of my parents came to my wedding, they both had excuses.

I wore blue hiking boots under my floor length skirt and when we'd said "I DO" we both jumped off the stage. It was fun, and I have good memories of my wedding.
Good luck. Do it your way.

[Crankin]

Similar to Mimi, I did not elope, but I had a very small wedding with 20 people, none who were my friends, who I wanted to invite. It was a second wedding for me, so we paid for it. We had the money to have a more typical, maybe small wedding at a hotel, but neither of us wanted the hassle of planning it. Both sets of parents had just moved out of state. We had the ceremony in our apartment, with a champagne toast and appetizers, provided by my parents. I wore an off white "dressy" dress from the Limited and my husband wore a nice suit. We bought our own flowers from the Japanese flower growers in Tempe (I don't think they are still there). Then we took the group out for a nice dinner at a restaurant owned by a friend of my in laws. They provided a cake. There was a lounge with music and dancing, where we celebrated after the dinner. My then 15 year old brother took the pictures (he's talented).
Would I do it differently? Yes. First of all, I would not have caved in and invited 2 dorky couples who were friends of my in laws that I didn't know and I would have had my own friends. But, more importantly, I would have had the more traditional wedding. We had the $, but I was so "anti" anything that was deemed feminine (like wedding planning), I refused to do it. It would have been small, but tasteful. I know in the total scheme of things it doesn't matter, but we regretted what we did.
So, when our sons had their Bar Mitzvahs, we had nice luncheons at a local restaurant, with a DJ, no band, and the focus on the kids and the food. There was no "theme" (other than the religious aspect) for the party and I know everyone had a great time. It was relaxed and fun. We had both at the same place. We spent about 1/4 to 1/2 of what others spent, proving you can do it nicely for less money.
I guess the wedding itself really does not matter, since I will be celebrating my 30th anniversary in December. I think you should do what you want, and if that includes eloping and wearing a wedding dress, do it.

[GLC1968]

I did not elope, but my mother offered us 10K to do so. Both my husband and I agreed, but then she jokingly laughed it off...she wanted the wedding more than I did! I do like being the center of attention though - at least, when I feel good about myself (which I did that day)...so it was all good. I got to see so many friends and family that I hadn't seen in ages and we had a blast (95% of my guests were from out of state).

Anyway, my brother did elope. He and his wife went down to city hall, signed some paperwork and then went out for dinner. He called me on his way out of the building as a married man and told me. I assume that they had witnesses, but I have no idea who they were. No family, no friends...from either side. My family is close, so we all admitted that we'd have been hurt had we lived anywhere near him at the time. His wife is not close with her family, so there were no issues there. They had already been engaged for about 6 months - so we all knew it would happen eventually anyway.

My personal vision of my wedding was always very, very similiar to the wedding at the end of the 'Runaway Bride' movie where they are in a hilltop in the fall with gorgeous views, foliage and a simple white dress. Friends and family, optional.

[KnottedYet]

Like GLC, I found the final wedding in "Runaway Bride" to be pretty close to my ideal. Tiny tiny ceremony, followed by big party!

There is nothing "falling short" about eloping or tiny weddings. It's what you bring to the event in your heart and what you take away afterwards that really matters, no matter how cliched that may seem.

List out the things that are most important to the two of you, and create the wedding that fits you. Rites of passage have the meanings we give them. (and writhing with embarrassed shyness during a huge wedding would NOT have fit me!)

I'm very active in my church, and it was important to me that we be married by a minister of my church. Rev. Stewart is one of my favorite ministers, I deeply admire him and I listen to his sermons over and over again on podcast. Being married by him was like being married by a rock star!

There is nothing particularly legally binding about having a minister sign the license. As a courtesy, the state automatically deputizes clergy so they can sign at any time. You can deputize a family member or a friend to sign your license (it's about $50) or have a justice of the peace or county clerk sign (again, about $50). You can have a ceremony or not, as you wish. You can have the license signed weeks before the ceremony to take the stress off. There's an amazing amount of flexibility built into the system.

You don't even have to exchange rings at the ceremony or signing, if you'd rather do it in private.

If you don't want a diamond ring, you don't have to have one. You don't have to have an engagement ring at all. Trek chose a channel-set sapphire band for her engagement ring, she's not a diamond ring kind of gal, either. I didn't want an engagement ring, so I'm right there with you.

Our elopement was the wedding of my dreams, and really what I'd wanted all along. Very small. We will get as formal and elaborate and big as we want for our celebration (probably on an anniversary). I've already got the dress picked out!

Whatever you choose to do, make it something you will both love and feel comfortable with. The wedding is for you, the party is for everyone else. It will never "fall short" if it's yours.

[Triskeliongirl]

We didn't elope, but we had a 'surprise wedding' with just our immediate families present. We didn't want to do the large wedding/planning, etc. So we just invited our immediate families to dinner at our apartment, telling them it was to celebrate my husband's birthday. We hired a justice of the peace to come to the apartment, we wore normal nice clothes (I wore a pretty hand made white knee length dress I had bought when visiting greece) and we got married. Then we cooked and served our own wedding dinner (roast lamb, hmmmmm!).

[WrensMom]

We didn't exactly elope, but we did get married pretty spontaneously with few people there. We did it at the magistrate court in Santa Fe. None of my family were there, but a few of his came (mom, dad, sisters), and a couple of our friends. Afterwards we all went out for dinner. I wore a purple dress that I liked (and got on sale!) and he wore a regular suit. We both just have plain white gold bands, nothing fancy. It was great not having a big old event to stress over. Our little cool thing was that we got married 01/01/01 at 1pm. Like everyone else said, do what YOU want, and be happy!

[GLC1968]

Whatever you choose to do, make it something you will both love and feel comfortable with. The wedding is for you, the party is for everyone else. It will never "fall short" if it's yours.

Yes, yes, yes!

Even though I wouldn't have opted for the big huge, formal wedding we had, I did control the ceremony - 100%. I wrote it, actually. We wrote our vows together (completely original) and I put the rest of the ceremony together using bits and pieces from multiple cultures/traditions. As a couple, we had to compromise on a few things because I refused to be married in a church but yet my husband insisted that we had to be married by a member of the clergy. I had some very strict rules about what could and could not be said by the minister and luckily, he was very forward thinking and very accomodating. We had to interview quite a few before we found someone I was comfortable with...

I was adamant that there would not be one single thing about that day that made either me or my husband uncomfortable. I didn't care how difficult it made things (it really didn't), but it was incredibly important to me. There were songs the band was not allowed to play, there were 'traditions' that would not be followed, and there were words that could not be used...all in the name of our choices.

Make the day YOURS. That's what matters the most, no matter what it is you do with it...

[Andrea]

You should ask the same question on that "other" forum...

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Like GLC, I found...

Welcome back.

[indysteel]

You should ask the same question on that "other" forum...

LOL. I don't think either one of us is ready to broadcast this there. Madness and mayhem (aka Gutfiddle) will ensue. So, you can keep a secret, right?